Tough decision and also having testing done

[Sheenar]

Sorry I haven't been all that active. Been reading, but haven't felt like I've had all that much to contribute.

I got accepted into graduate school --the Masters in Public Administration program at my university. However, I did not think it through well (I thought I had--and I thought I was being led by God to pursue this degree at this time--and I had things happen that seemed to affirm that I chose the right path). I have had a slight nagging doubt from the time I applied, but just pushed it away.

I just started the Financial Peace University class last week. I realized that this is not a wise decision for me. It would not be a smart decision to bring in more debt to my already-quite-large student loan debt. I am trying to get my finances in line. Even though I am not having to make student loan payments due to my income, I do not feel right in taking advantage of that and taking out even more loans to pay for school.

One of my dreams is to get a Masters degree. But I do not want to add a substantial amount of debt to my life. So, for now, I will be dropping my classes. Maybe one day --if I am able to return to working full-time--I will be able to save up enough funds to pay for classes.

It is hard. And I don't know if my professors will understand (we are almost one week into classes at this point.) But I feel strongly that this is the right decision to make.

Please pray for God's provision as money is a big issue right now --and the church has had to stop helping me with my car payment and car insurance. I meet with my DARS counselor on Wednesday to talk about work-from-home opportunities. On my income, I do not have the funds to continue to pay my car payment (I bought the car used in early 2011 and am halfway through my loan repayment) or my full coverage insurance (required by my credit union). Losing the car would be a pretty big blow to my life right now as I do not live in an area with dependable public transportation. My car has a lift on it for my scooter and I depend on the car to get where I need to go. I am trying to let go and trust that God will provide --even if I do lose the car, He will make a way for me to get where I need to go and provide for my needs.


Also, please pray for a health issue I am having. My GI doctor said that I am either having trouble with my gallbladder or I could be experiencing gastroparesis (where the stomach does not contract well to move food into the small intestine.) I've lost weight. I'm currently at a weight I have not been at since before high school. I'm eating, but having to eat small amounts and have been experiencing pain. I'm having testing at the hospital tomorrow to test my gallbladder. If that comes back normal, then testing will be scheduled to test for gastroparesis. I am afraid. Friends and family have pointed out my weight loss. I don't know what's going on with my body. My clothes are loose on me now.

[Sheenar]

While most people I know have been supportive of my decision to resign from graduate school to avoid getting more in debt, I have had one person very enthusiastically berate me for doing so --saying that school would be how I would better myself so I can get a good-paying job. Explaining that I didn't want $30,000+ in debt did not dissuade him. It was a bit discouraging --though I feel strongly that I made the right decision.

I talked to my credit union (who is financing my car) and was told to pay the car note whenever I can --that they would work with me. That was SUCH a blessing. I am working with my vocational rehab counselor --I met with her yesterday--we are moving into active supported employment services to find a job for me. I should hear from my supported employment person sometime next week. I am hopeful, but at the same time anxious. If I work, the place where I live will raise my rent. But if I don't work, I'll lose my car. Plus I WANT to work --feel like I'm contributing something to society and get out of the apartment.

Testing went okay --was a LONG day. Didn't get to eat until around 4 pm. No gallstones --so gallbladder is likely not the issue going on. I see my GI doc In Feb. for a follow-up. Still having pain. I'm going through spurts where I am ravenously hungry and am able to eat a decent meal --and then my body will go through periods where I feel nauseous and eating anything is a huge undertaking. So I'm a bit concerned that I'm not getting enough calories in each day. Nutritional drinks are out as most have wheat, dairy, or soy in them. Soup (homemade) seems to be what I'm tolerating best at this time.

Please continue to pray. I know God will provide for my needs. Pray that I will not be anxious about money and other things --but trust that God will meet my needs.

[Xeno]

That one guy seems like kind of a blow hard honestly. I mean seriously, who tells someone "HOW DARE YOU NOT DO WITH YOUR LIFE WHAT I THINK YOU SHOULD?!" (wait...a lot of people do that actually). Anyway, I'm glad you did what you felt like was right. As far as your car situation goes, it's great to hear that your credit union is so understanding of your situation. It's nice to hear of a financial institution that isn't just foaming at the mouth about money for once. As far as working goes, don't feel worthless for not working. Ultimately do what you want and feel is right, but if not working is what you have to do to keep things livable right now, then there is no shame in doing that and I'd sincerely like to see someone try to make a valid argument to the contrary, because it'll get ripped to shreds.

You're one of the strongest people on this site. Your updates about how you're continuing to live your live despite your circumstances are an inspiration to me and hopefully to others as well. I hope things get better for you with your dietary issue so that you'll be able to start eating properly soon.

Side note: have you tried blending your own nutrient drinks so you can avoid wheat, soy, and dairy products? A number of my coworkers have started a bunch of ridiculous diets that involve doing this kind of stuff, but there might be some that provide full calorie amounts.

[Atria35]

^ I have to echo Xeno on absolutely everything he said. You're really an amazing person, and I can't tell you how highly I hold you in my esteem. You are doing what you feel is right for you, and that's the best thing to do. I wish you all the luck in the world.

[Sheenar]

Thank you both for your encouragement! It really does mean a lot to me to know people care.

I am feeling a little better --have been able to eat mostly normally --just have to keep things light for now. I do make some fruit and rice protein powder smoothies now and then --especially when I do not feel up to eating. Have some other health stuff going on, but for the most part I am doing pretty well.