I haven't been doing very well...

[Lynna]

I've been having...a bit of a rough time.
First of all, I have no friends at school. None. There is a group of kids I sort of hang out with, but only really for five minutes at the beginning of lunch and break, and then we all leave. One of them used to be my friend for a few years, but he doesn't really talk to me much anymore. Honestly, we have very little in common. I tell myself that I can do without friends, because I have homework and stuff to do, but I still feel very, very lonely. I do have one friend outside of school, but she works, so we can't hang out too much.

I keep feeling terribly sad, even when there's nothing to feel sad about. I feel so worthless and hopeless over the smallest things. In fact, even when happy things happen, like when someone was healed at our church tonight, I just feel locked inside my pain. I have suicidal thoughts, too, but I'm determined that that's not going to happen. I don't really think I'm depressed, because my Dad is a psychologist, and I kind of asked him some stuff about depression, and I don't think I have these feelings for long enough periods of time to count as depression. But they do come, especially at night. I think this might have something to do (Here I go, psycho-analysing myself) with my lack of social life, but I just don't know. Some of these feelings have been in me for a long time.

In some ways, I think I've just given up on having friends at school. I never had many. Why should I suddenly have some now? I always think stupid things like that, even when I know its not true. Like thinking that it wouldn't matter where I went, I'd still not have friends.

Then there's graduating stuff. I don't really feel very motivated about it. I have to make decisions about college and other stuff, and I just don't know what to do. I also don't know what God wants me to do. I feel like I should be talking to him more, but I'm always so tired and so I don't do it. I just feel really helpless about it all.

So, yeah, that's what's been happening. I really don't know how serious this all is. At first I thought it was just something random, my now it's just weighing me down so much I had to say something. It might go away quickly, for all I know. I always feel depressed in October. So, can you please pray for me? I just haven't felt peaceful for so long...

Well, Thank You for listening to my rant. I love you all. God Bless.

[Furen]

I'll pray for you, and though I can't help myself with friends at school, we're always here, and you're a great friend of mine here

And being sad makes me kinda sad

Either way, you're an amazing person (did you know that?)

Hope things start turning out better, but until then, I'll try to pray for you

[Yuki-Anne]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm praying for you.

[Xeno]

I'd just like to give you this perspective because I don't see it given enough:

You're in high school; once you graduate you will never see these people again unless you choose to do so. They will go away to college or get jobs that take up time (and those jobs might have them move), and you will also either go to college or start working and high school becomes pretty much nothing but a memory of four years of your life.

It's rough right now because you're going through it, and I totally get that. I've always been terrible at making friends and so my life in high school was pretty "depressiony" so to speak. I even moved to a totally different state for my last year of high school where I had to deal with a sexual harassment case. So trust me, I really get it. But once you're out, it doesn't mean anything. Those friends you don't have now you more than likely wouldn't have in six months to a year post-graduation anyway. I keep in contact with one person from high school (the one I spent most of my time at), and even her I didn't talk to for a number of years because I had just lost touch.

High school is for learning. This other social stuff feels good to have, because god life gets so unbearably lonely sometimes, but I'd be looking outside of school to be making those connections, because those school friendships are going to break easy

[Yuki-Anne]

My dad always used to tell me that the main difference between high school and college is that in college, people actually choose to be there. That changes everything about a person's attitude.

[sarahjoy78]

I'm sorry to here that. I'm homeschooled but I have been to public school before. I know how hard it can be. In my used to be middle school there were groups. The first group was the "bad group" as the kids who did everything wrong. The second group was of course "the nerds" who were the smart kids. There were also the "goody good kids" who were prety much the "normal kids." Of course there were also "the populars." I was in that group myself. Everyone knew who I was and they respected me because I was one of the few populars who was nice to everyone. I remeber being the only friend that this one girl had. I was the only one there for her when everyone else picked on her because she was REALLY skinny. What they didn't know and didn't care long enough to find out was that her parents were really poor and they couldn't afford a lot to feed her. It may be hard and I'm praying for you abundantly! Also, as many others have said you have frinds here on CAA and I myself would LOVE to be your friend! <3

[SilverToast]

Praying!
Your situation sounds really close to what I went through in high school minus the psychologist dad. Yeah, feeling lonely is very depressing. I'm not good at making friends either.

I agree with what Xeno said. I went through the same thing as Xeno but instead of a sexual harassment case, people weren't very sensitive to my ethnicity and I got hurt by the stereotypes and ignorant remarks.

High school is for learning. You can make friendships in other places.

You can be alone but not feel lonely.
From my experience, what helped me get over feeling lonely was to use the time I had to enjoy doing the things I liked. Also giving up that worry to God helped a lot. I learned to be content with just myself and soon I found it easier to make friends. Although I still prefer to have more time to enjoy myself. I'm also not much of an extrovert but rather an introvert.
That may help you.

It may feel like being alone is a terrible thing seeing most people having so much joy relating to their friends. That doesn't apply to everyone though.

Also remember that you have members here on CAA that care about you. You can be friends with some of us.
Talking to God like he is your friend is also a good way to find comfort in Him and get closer to Him.

[Hiryu]

I agree with Xeno. Unless you make some close friends, you will likely part ways for good. The exception is if they happen to go to the same college AND are going into the same major as you.

[Xeno]

Forgot to mention this in my previous post, those people who are really popular now, who have a ton of friends, and seem to be having the time of their lives, for most of them this is their peak. They'll finish high school and end up the manager of a Taco Bell or the local Petsmart in a few years and they're done. The kids who don't make all the friends in high school, the ones who are picked on, who can recognize high school for what it is, will go on to college or life and accomplish things.

[TopazRaven]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time of things as of lately, I'll be praying for you. High school can be rough and being someone who didn't have many friends when I went through school, I can understand where you're coming from. Though maybe you should talk to your father about these feelings you've been having. Especially since you've been having suicidal thoughts. No matter how brief they were if you keep having them then that might be something you should talk to someone about. I hope things start getting better for you soon.

[Makachop^^128]

Sounds like we are kinda in the same place...I'll be praying for you, and I'm always here if you needa talk

[MrKrillz0r]

Never forget that God is watching you and always wants your best. Take your time and just tell Him everything that is on your mind, all the feelings and ask Him for help. Don't try to walk through alone, just let God hear your out and trust Him, He will help you through this! I do sadly often go through phases where I get the same feelings as you describe to have right now, and I try to work it all out but it just ends up with me feeling hopeless. But the only way for us to get away from this place is to let Him help us, and stop trying to handle things on our own.

Also keep in mind that you are a wonderful person, and I think anyone of us here would have loved to be your friend if we had lived where you do. And is there no place where you could try to find a few friends? Like within the church communities or something like that?

Anyway praying for you!

[Lynna]

Thank you so much everyone ^_^ I had a much better day today. I was a lot calmer.
Thank you for the encouragement. It means a lot to me.
So, yes, thank you very, very much.

[HetalianKatana4]

Hi, Lynna Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I barely have a social life at school as well except for a few friends. I posted a thread on here about a month ago about my issues at school. Again, you're not alone. I'm a senior as well and it is quite stressful. Senioritis stinks, huh? People think it happens at the end of the year and only means that you miss your classmates but SOOOOOO not true! It can happen in anyway, shape, or form at anytime of the year. Ok that I know was random, but it could be the problem :/