How do you refocus on God instead of on someone you care about?

[Exlon]

I think this counts as something different from the previous prayer request thread (I apologize in advance if I'm meant to just put this in that old thread anyway). But I just wanted to know what other people think---how do you refocus on God? I have a thing for thinking too much about my boyfriend you could say. I think about him, daydream about him, miss him, worry about him, pray for him, pretty much forgetting about the fact that the One dependable person who'll never let me down or hurt me is Christ. Sure, I keep talking to the Lord about my boyfriend, but I'm not really thinking about my relationship with God, unlike what I'm obviously doing about my boyfriend (who I haven't really gotten to talk to for over two months by the way). My boyfriend is a non-believer, who's had a bit of a tough life growing up, and he struggled with becoming a Christian around the beginning of this year. In the end, he just decided he couldn't really believe in God, and then proceeded to claim he didn't even want to anymore (unlike before, when I could tell he genuinely had a hunger for Christ and when he wanted to know more and read Scripture). It's just really saddening, and I don't know how to talk to him and care about him without forgetting whom to put my focus on. Suggestions, guys?

[Hiryu]

So why did he decide not to believe in God anymore?

Whether or not he chooses to believe, God still cares about him and loves him, and nothing will ever change that. Unfortunately, if he keeps choosing to ignore God and his grace, it will not be good.

If there were ever a point in his life where he needed love, it would be now. If you really care about him, don't leave him behind. We can't make decisions for other people, we just have to trust it to god to work out the things in his life. He's still in control. Sow the seeds, and God will make them grow.

All people need is love.

[ABlipinTime]

All people need is love.

That's so touching. It sounds like the lyrics to a song I don't know or have almost completely forgotten...
Fortunately the truth in the statement is not lost in my peculiar poetic sentimentality (to throw around a few curious words I used improperly). Since you covered the boyfriend, there's no need for me to address that topic.


As for your own personal focus on God, Exlon:
Focus tends to be up and down with humans: we never can focus on things for very long. But one thing that helps is prayer. Most certainly, then, you should pray, and I'll be praying for you as well.
Another thing that helps, at least from my own personal experience, is finding ways to depict Jesus in my mind so that I have something tangible to think about. Certainly no depiction of Him will ever be sufficient or describe even an infinitesimal aspect of Him, but since I can never fully grasp who God is anyways, it doesn't hurt me to imagine Him in ways that are less than He is (because I already do that... lol, does that make sense?).
The usual routing of reading your Bible can help, but that I find that only sometimes works (esp. if you Bible is inaccessible at the time). Nevertheless, take advantage of even the thought of it and use that thought to turn your attention to Jesus. Associating everything with Jesus (it is His world) - not by aspect, but by mere thought of the thing - can help to remind you of Jesus as well.

Now remember, ultimately you have the choice to think about Jesus as well. Even I catch myself occasionally thinking "I don't really want to think about God right now" for reason(s) XXX. So watch yourself.

Those are just some tips from another human struggling to follow God. We're all in this sea of struggles. No one has to learn how to swim alone... Boy was that a tacky analogy.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

You're loving God by loving other people. Regardless of whether or not they are Christian or not. And you also do not need to actively think about God in order to think about God, if that makes any sense.

[Exlon]

So why did he decide not to believe in God anymore?

Whether or not he chooses to believe, God still cares about him and loves him, and nothing will ever change that. Unfortunately, if he keeps choosing to ignore God and his grace, it will not be good.

If there were ever a point in his life where he needed love, it would be now. If you really care about him, don't leave him behind. We can't make decisions for other people, we just have to trust it to god to work out the things in his life. He's still in control. Sow the seeds, and God will make them grow.

All people need is love.

I don't know, I don't really understand why he decided not to believe anymore after the short weeks that he did. Maybe he just had too much doubt, and would randomly be overcome by "How is this even realistic in terms of science?" or whatever, when there actually was a day he came home from school and told me that when his science textbook mentioned evolution, he thought "Hah! Yeah right" when he read it. So...I don't really get it. He seemed all for it for a tiny bit, then suddenly...no. Reasons he last threw at me for choosing not to believe were along the lines of "Most of my friends aren't even Christian. Why would I want to believe that everyone I care about, my friends, my family, are going to hell?" or how he just couldn't conceive the idea of God being outside of time and having always "been" there. Another thing he might have against Christianity now, is the fact that the Bible marks homosexuality as a sin (now I know we can't go into that onto these forums, but I'm just talking about this issue right now). He thinks it should be okay, and it doesn't really help that his mom's lesbian too (hence the divorce when he was little). I just don't understand how he could seem to actually grasp the truth just enough for a time, only to just let it go suddenly after. I don't really know.

And I'm perfectly WILLING to give him all the love that I can, but he hasn't even spoken to me since two and a half months ago, and last I heard from him was a message a few weeks ago saying how he couldn't get internet most of the summer, and how he only just got back home and was catching up with friends and that he'd get back to me soon. Thing is, even in June, he seemed less interested in spending time with me, or even just talking to me. When he used to come on daily to talk to me and made sure to tell me "I love you" (we always felt bad if we didn't get to say it), starting in June, sometimes he wouldn't even show up on skype for a week, and just be like "Oh, yeah I was busy hanging out with my friends." And...well, seems to have almost lost interest in me. I don't know how I'm supposed to talk to him or help him or try to say something to him to make him remember that he actually used to care. And I reeeaaally want to talk to him again soon and let him know that I do care, and that I'm always waiting here for him. He used to talk to me about problems, or anything that was bothering him and he wanted to tell to someone about, and I would always do my best to comfort him and encourage him. But no, I don't get what's up right now, and how he could go from being totally sincere and caring for a few/several months to just being totally aloof.

I don't know, I'm just sad and I miss him.

[Makachop^^128]

I'm sorry he hasn't gotten back to you I will be praying, I think some people "become" christians for the emotional release, I'm wondering if my boyfriend did the same thing.....but don't give up...I'd maybe not talk about it with him unless he brings it up and just pray. Ask the holy spirit to work through you to him.

With not focusing on your boyfriend and on God...I kinda had the same issue with my last boyfriend...I think what would help is have a set time to read the bible and make sure you do it everyday, its super easy to slip and forget all about it, it has made a big difference on how much I focus on God to read the bible everyday, also having times were you can pray without distraction at all, like music and such. And for me what helps a lot is reading christian books, I pick ones with a issue I am dealing with at the time. I hope things get better, I'm always here if you want to talk

[Exlon]

You're loving God by loving other people. Regardless of whether or not they are Christian or not. And you also do not need to actively think about God in order to think about God, if that makes any sense.

But a closer definition of love as God's love would be to put others before yourself in a way that's somehow self-sacrificing. Admittedly, I am just really missing my boyfriend because I care about him and wish he was here to hug me, and romantic love isn't exactly the same as doing something for others, though I'd gladly help him with anything he was having trouble with.

Now remember, ultimately you have the choice to think about Jesus as well. Even I catch myself occasionally thinking "I don't really want to think about God right now" for reason(s) XXX. So watch yourself.

Those are just some tips from another human struggling to follow God. We're all in this sea of struggles. No one has to learn how to swim alone... Boy was that a tacky analogy.

*is tired out after writing super long reply earlier* Sorry, I'm not entirely sure how to respond. XD Since school started last week, I've been wiped. But yeah, it's just hard learning how to want to focus on God, as I usually start feeling like "I'm tired" or "Now? But I don't know what to think or say" or "I just want to sleep." Or, like you said about not really wanting to think about God, sometimes I feel more like "But thinking of my boyfriend being sweet as I'm snuggling in bed and I try to sleep is so much easier than trying to think of what to say to God who already knows anything I'm going to say and I'm just going to repeat myself for everything I've said before anyway." So...I don't know.

[K. Ayato]

Sounds like he's got a lot of stuff on his mind. My husband was once like that, where if something was troubling him, he'd shut down and not be as fun and conversational as before. This happened more than once while we were dating and each time I took it way too personally. While some of it did have to do with me during those times and a bit into the early parts of our marriage, most of the time, he just needed some distance to really think about things. Your boyfriend, based on what you shared, appears to be the same way my husband is at times.

I know it stinks when he doesn't return calls or emails, or something comes up and you can't chat on Skype. My husband happens to be in the service and is currently deployed. Sometimes he'll email saying "We'll talk more tomorrow", but I won't get any messages. I know it's nothing personal. He and the crew often have busy days and with the setup of emailing, plus the number of people and scheduling, he doesn't always get the chance to read his messages, let alone reply.

My best advice is to continue to trust that God will take care of him, and maybe give him some time alone. Certainly wouldn't hurt to let him know you're there when he's ready to share what's been troubling him. Continue to support him.

Hang in there.

[Makachop^^128]

*is tired out after writing super long reply earlier* Sorry, I'm not entirely sure how to respond. XD Since school started last week, I've been wiped. But yeah, it's just hard learning how to want to focus on God, as I usually start feeling like "I'm tired" or "Now? But I don't know what to think or say" or "I just want to sleep." Or, like you said about not really wanting to think about God, sometimes I feel more like "But thinking of my boyfriend being sweet as I'm snuggling in bed and I try to sleep is so much easier than trying to think of what to say to God who already knows anything I'm going to say and I'm just going to repeat myself for everything I've said before anyway." So...I don't know.

I had a issue about 8 months ago where I really didn't WANT to think about God....jsut my boyfriend. I had to pray to God "I don't really want to be thinking about you.....and I'm sorry, but please give me the desire to know you more and have you the center of my life" praying that really helped me have a desire to have God the focus of my life.

[Exlon]

My best advice is to continue to trust that God will take care of him, and maybe give him some time alone. Certainly wouldn't hurt to let him know you're there when he's ready to share what's been troubling him. Continue to support him.

Hang in there.

Thank you...I'm just so very tired these days, and wish that something GOOD would happen in relation to him, like, oh I don't know, his truly accepting salvation? But I keep feeling like that's not going to happen, even though a friend's pointed out in the time I haven't talked to him, maybe something happened. But...I doubt it. He's just so stubborn now. It's almost funny that you should suggest giving him some time alone, considering I haven't spoken to him for two and a half months. And he only did message me that one time last month (the one time he actually replied to a message, unlike the 10 other ones I've sent him over the past couple of months).

I'm so tired, and I just wish I knew what was going on with him, and that he was actually making progress and would finally reach Christ before it's too late. I hate waiting like this and being sad all the time. There I go again. Focusing on my boyfriend instead of God. *sighs*

[K. Ayato]

I don't think you should stress yourself by hoping for his salvation. Sometimes, unfortunately, people don't want to change their minds. Instead, why not pray and ask God to help your boyfriend find out who God is and that He shows Himself through you.

That doesn't mean you should stop praying for him to know God in a personal way like you do. It takes time. You're not responsible for seeing that he gets saved. That's his choice alone. What you can do is ask God to help you be the best example of what a Christian is really like.

[Atria35]

What everyone else said. Don't worry about his salvation- he'll see God working through you, and that's a start.

(but it's also okay to point out to him that his beliefs and his science textbooks don't always have to disagree. There ARE Christians that believe in Evolution.)

[Exlon]

What everyone else said. Don't worry about his salvation- he'll see God working through you, and that's a start.

(but it's also okay to point out to him that his beliefs and his science textbooks don't always have to disagree. There ARE Christians that believe in Evolution.)

Micro-evolution, like from a frog to a toad, maybe, but not macro like a dolphin to a horse. :/ I think he just has trouble wrapping his mind around the existence of a God.

[Atria35]

Micro-evolution, like from a frog to a toad, maybe, but not macro like a dolphin to a horse. :/ I think he just has trouble wrapping his mind around the existence of a God.

No, no, I do mean there are Christians who believe in macro-evolution as in a "dolphin to a horse" (PM me if you'd like to discuss it further).

I can get how it can be difficult to believe- I wasn't Christian my entire life. I didn't really decide I was a believer for about.... 4 years or so, of going back-and-forth on it. And I do still waver on the edge because of some of the things I come across. I've had a rather large crisis of faith lately because of something my friend is invoved with/believes. So please know that it will take time for him to come around. The best thing you can do is be there for him.

[mechana2015]

Yes please take it to PM, Creation vs Evolution is one of the topics we aren't allowing on the site currently.

[Exlon]

So one of my friends (a guy) tried talking to my boyfriend last night. He says he promised he wouldn't tell anyone anything that my boyfriend said, but I asked my friend if he could tell me a general result of what he got. And he told me I should drop it, and that I'm wasting my time, effort, and care on my boyfriend and that I should just forget about it. But I can't do that...I just can't. I care about my boyfriend too much, I can't just...forget about him 'cause he doesn't want to have anything to do with Christ. I don't know how to not care. And he means a lot to me. ;_;

Oh, and my friend just told me now: "It'd be different if he cared too.
But right now you're just wasting your time."

[Atria35]

^ Reposting what I said about my faith. 4 years to come around. Believing in God isn't easy or instantaneous, and for anyone to expect it is utterly ridiculous. You've planted the seed. But getting on his case about Christianity and God can smother it- that nearly happened to me because some of my friends were just.... obnoxious about God and their faith when they learned I was on the edge. Your best bet is to relax and let God work in His own time.

Since your bf is having a hard time, the reaction your friend got could be frustration with how things are and where they're going. Give it time.

[Exlon]

^ Reposting what I said about my faith. 4 years to come around. Believing in God isn't easy or instantaneous, and for anyone to expect it is utterly ridiculous. You've planted the seed. But getting on his case about Christianity and God can smother it- that nearly happened to me because some of my friends were just.... obnoxious about God and their faith when they learned I was on the edge. Your best bet is to relax and let God work in His own time.

Since your bf is having a hard time, the reaction your friend got could be frustration with how things are and where they're going. Give it time.

Yeah, it's just I haven't talked to him about it in, well, months. I don't know. But it burns a little when my friend indirectly puts it that my boyfriend doesn't care about me. And of course I still care about him. But it stings when you know they don't care as much back for you anymore.

[Atria35]

Ah. Yeah, that does really hurt. Unfortunately, that can and does happen- I recently got out of a relationship that was the exact same way. I decided it was better for myself if I found someone who liked me as much as I liked them, but it doesn't lessen the heartbreak.

[Makachop^^128]

...You might wanna pray about the relationship, ask for Gods will and all, Because it sounds like he is really hurting you :/ idk thats just me. Maybe just take this time he isn't talking to you and focus on God and see if he wants you with this guy. I had to leave my boyfriend a week ago, I still love him, he'd say he loved me too but the way he treated me was a completely different thing. About the christian thing, I'll be praying, I hope he becomes one, but sometimes you have to step back and let God take over. I'm sorry about what you are going through I'm always here to talk.

[Exlon]

He just broke up with me a little over half an hour ago.

[K. Ayato]

*Hugs* We're all here for you, hon.

[Exlon]

*Hugs* We're all here for you, hon.

Thanks...it's kind of hard for me to deal with, even though I had a gut feeling it was coming soon. He actually first broke up with me the night before Easter (absolutely horrible timing, to be honest), but we did awful without each other the next two weeks and accidentally ended up together again. I guess it was worse that first time, since it felt a little more unexpected, and more like I knew he still actually cared, but he was just doing it because we couldn't work with the I'm-a-Christian-he's-not thing. Now I'm not sure he even cares anymore, and I don't know if that makes it hurt more or less.

I don't know if he's ever going to talk to me again, 'cause after he told me online, it was mostly long silences, and then he just left without another word. Here's what he said:

~
So, er, Guess I'll just say it. I'm breaking up with you.... again.

It's been on my mind awhile, since around May, actually.

Let me through this out there, I never intended to get back together with you to begin with.

It just happened

And, it's not going to happen again.

Also, I don't want you to cling onto me. Let me go, don't trick yourself into thinking this is right for you.
~
Me: I'm sorry.
~
You didn't do anything.
~
Me: I still feel sorry.
~

And then he just went offline after a few minutes. It kind of hurt, almost like he was turning around and leaving, just like that.

[K. Ayato]

I understand his decision. It's hard to walk away from a relationship you know is not going in the right direction you had hoped it would, especially when feelings of attachment and security are so strong. It's even more difficult if this was your first real relationship. *Hugs* I've been there, hon. It was not an easy road and took a lot longer than I had hoped before I made it to the other side. But it was a road I had to go on, and God helped me let go of a lot of things that hindered my closeness with Him.

I know it's painful and the outlook is bleak right now, but even in this, God is right there with you. Even if you don't feel Him.

[Makachop^^128]

He just broke up with me a little over half an hour ago.

Hey >.< I'm really sorry v.v I'll be praying for you

[Exlon]

I kept waking up a couple or so times last night. Less than 7 hours, and I'm really tired. I hate how pretty much every time I woke up, I'd remember he broke up with me and would have to tell myself to not think about it and go back to sleep before I started crying again.

[Makachop^^128]

I kept waking up a couple or so times last night. Less than 7 hours, and I'm really tired. I hate how pretty much every time I woke up, I'd remember he broke up with me and would have to tell myself to not think about it and go back to sleep before I started crying again.

Kinda sounds like what I'm going throw.....I'm really sorry >.< What has been helping me is actually letting myself cry and feel the emotions, when I hold it in I get more angry and more irritable at others and thats never good >.> still praying for you >.<

[Exlon]

I know I shouldn't mope over this, but it hurts how he doesn't even seem to care anymore...I mean, not even a little. It's almost like in the 2+ months of silence he had (only the month and a half without internet), he conditioned himself to not think or care about me so the breakup would be easy enough for him when he did get to talk to me. And that just kind of...burns, I guess.

My friends are telling me not to care anymore, but I'm still concerned for him. ;_;

[rocklobster]

I think if you care about someone, God is calling you to help him. Being concerned for him is focusing you on God. That is why we were created. To give and receive love.

[Atria35]

I think that just means you have a big heart and liked him, and that's not a bad thing. You can't just 'turn off' your emotions for somebody. I'm sure it'll be a rough road to a healed heart, but God is there with you!