CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I don't know what to do any more, my life has been a real drag since the end of my first semester. I'm still in high school btw... I guess I'm dealing with a lot right now but the main thing is the fights I've been getting in with my mom...

I broke down crying 2 weekends ago screaming at my mom and letting everything I had on my mind come out. I feel like she doesn't understand what's going on in my life because of her. First off you need to know she loves politics and she goes to the town meetings nearly EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK. She never did this last year, but it's not just that. When she comes home she's all scared about something like, the family getting hurt by "them" because of something she said or did. I don't even know who the heck "they" are!!! She also claims the house, cars, phones, and computers are some how bugged. She has no proof what so ever that these items are "bugged"! I have seen no changes in my life either because of the "bugging". She also says she's trying to do her best to protect us. As far as I'm concerned she's made the family more vulnerable because now "THEY" know who she is now!!

Earlier today I fought with her again. I was talking about my upcoming interview for AP next year and then she says "If you don't get in, don't think it's anything against you, it's because of me." I told her I don't want to hear it because I've heard it before. I also told her I'm very disappointed that she'd even suggest her own daughter doesn't have enough skill to get into AP art. "Maybe it's not your time." she says. I've stopped caring about what she says about my art 'cause I always get a "That's nice." and then she continues what she's doing... I know she wants to know if I get in, but my "I care about what she thinks" meter is at zero right now...

It's her problems that I'm having a problem with. This has been going on for 1 and 1/2 YEARS. I'm SICK of it.

I have prayed about it for so long and I've seen little to no improvement, in fact it's gotten worse... I feel like this family is splitting apart. I don't want to see my parents in a divorce... I'd be devistated...

There is a second part to this. Motivation for my art and spiritual life has like hit rock bottom. I draw A LOT and I've only drawn about 10 pages in my sketchbook in the last 3 MONTHS. (I go through about 200+pgs a year on average.) I'm not happy anymore because the house is full of so much negative energy. Sometimes I don't want to even come home. I feel so much better at school. Great art doesn't make me happy, inspire, or motivate me anymore either. Enough about my art life, more about my spiritual. I actually started reading my Bible more around Easter, then I stopped again. My prayer life, well what prayer life? I've probably prayed about 3 time in the past 2 or 3 months. I just don't see the point repeating the same thing over and over when I see nothing happening, so I basically gave up. Oh, God has been sending me plenty of signs that He's still there, but I have no motivation to do anything! I also feel like I'm going to got to hell because I'll never be perfect. I must be suffering from minor depression or something...

I've decided I need to do something about all of this. I want to be happier again, to have a loving family, and to get to know the Lord better. Please help I'm desperate. If you want to PM me feel free to do so.

Thank you and God bless...


p.s. Sorry this is so long...

If we still had to be perfect to get into heaven, then we'd all be doomed. That's why Jesus was perfect for us. Just because you feel unworthy doesn't mean that God doesn't love you anymore. It's His love that saves us because we're hopelessly unworthy.

That sounds like a very stressful situation. Just cry out to God like you have here. I've vented to Him plenty of times and each time I've done so a peace has come over me. I'm completely guessing here, but perhaps your situation is one that gets worse before it gets better. The one thing I know for sure is that God has heard your prayers and that He knows much more than you do about what's going on. He is handling the situation, maybe in ways that you can't see yet.

LadyRushia (post: 1311688) wrote:If we still had to be perfect to get into heaven, then we'd all be doomed. That's why Jesus was perfect for us. Just because you feel unworthy doesn't mean that God doesn't love you anymore. It's His love that saves us because we're hopelessly unworthy.

That sounds like a very stressful situation. Just cry out to God like you have here. I've vented to Him plenty of times and each time I've done so a peace has come over me. I'm completely guessing here, but perhaps your situation is one that gets worse before it gets better. The one thing I know for sure is that God has heard your prayers and that He knows much more than you do about what's going on. He is handling the situation, maybe in ways that you can't see yet.

Oh, wow, thank you so much for your kind words. I guess I needed to hear again that Jesus died for me and everyone because He loved us and because we aren't perfect. I'm only a year and a half or so into my faith recommitment, so I still have much to learn. Some things need to be told to me again and again for it to sink in.

Yes, I do see this getting worse before it gets better unfortunately. The thing that I wonder about is, how much worse? I know things can get really bad and I hope it doesn't go there. I actually prayed last night, it felt good. =) I never really vented to Him before, so that'll be interesting. =D

Thank you very much again for reading my exorbitantly long rant and for responding. I appreciated it very much. =)

I'm sorry. Nobody is ever going to be perfect, it's all apart of original sin. We're born with it. You really should give praying more a try.^^ I like to make a list of the things I think I need and read it out loud after I'm done praying. You'd be surprised how many prayers He really does answer. Drawing really helps me to relax. But, I can understand how all the negativity is holding you back. I'll try to view your posts more and see if I can give ya some well deserved compliments on your art, if you post any. My mom is always saying the same thing to me as well. You and your family will be in my prayers tonight! I hope this cheers you up even a little. God Bless.

Miss, do not dispair because you are not alone. I too went through a similiar problem when I was your age. It seems like no one really cares about your true feelings, but they are more tied up in odd concerns.
I am glad that you have art as an outlet. Although you don't feel inspired anymore, try to vent your frustration. Slap paint on a canvas, scribble, anything to calm yourself down. The worst part about feeling hurt and angry is that it turns into bitterness and will dwell inside of you, causing you to have feelings of self-loathing and disturb your prayer life with God.
Don't give up on God, because He has not given up on you! He loves you very much and has a great plan in store for you. Hopefully, getting into that AP class will jumpstart that talent that He has given you.
One thing I think you should do is to write this five things down somewhere where you can see them every day....in your room, in your wallet, whatever...and repeat them to yourself. If your parents aren't empowering you, then you have to assure yourself of your true greatness for what God has made you. The five things are:
1. God knows what I am going through.
2.God has a great plan for my life.
3. He loves me.
4. He is proud of me.
5. I am His daughter.

I will keep you in my prayers, dear. Feel free to PM me anytime.

Gelka (post: 1311771) wrote:I'm sorry. Nobody is ever going to be perfect, it's all apart of original sin. We're born with it. You really should give praying more a try.^^ I like to make a list of the things I think I need and read it out loud after I'm done praying. You'd be surprised how many prayers he really does answer. Drawing really helps me to relax. But, I can understand how all the negativity is holding you back. I'll try to view your posts more and see if I can give ya some well deserved compliments on your art, if you post any. My mom is always saying the same thing to me as well. You and your family will be in my prayers tonight! I hope this cheers you up even a little. God Bless.

I was told to make a prayer journal awhile ago, but sadly I never got around to it. =| I will start tonight hopefully. I also need to set some time aside for it each day too.

I've actually been doing a considerable amount of digital art lately, it's a miracle! =D Here is my art cornner on CAA. I also have a dA account which is my CAA homepage. =3

Thank you so much for the advice/response, I know this was a lot to read. ^^;

You have a great art style and I look forward to seeing more of it.^^

Phantom_Sorano (post: 1311842) wrote:Miss, do not dispair because you are not alone. I too went through a similiar problem when I was your age. It seems like no one really cares about your true feelings, but they are more tied up in odd concerns.
I am glad that you have art as an outlet. Although you don't feel inspired anymore, try to vent your frustration. Slap paint on a canvas, scribble, anything to calm yourself down. The worst part about feeling hurt and angry is that it turns into bitterness and will dwell inside of you, causing you to have feelings of self-loathing and disturb your prayer life with God.
Don't give up on God, because He has not given up on you! He loves you very much and has a great plan in store for you. Hopefully, getting into that AP class will jumpstart that talent that He has given you.
One thing I think you should do is to write this five things down somewhere where you can see them every day....in your room, in your wallet, whatever...and repeat them to yourself. If your parents aren't empowering you, then you have to assure yourself of your true greatness for what God has made you. The five things are:
1. God knows what I am going through.
2.God has a great plan for my life.
3. He loves me.
4. He is proud of me.
5. I am His daughter.

I will keep you in my prayers, dear. Feel free to PM me anytime.

I'm not alone after all. ]You have a great art style and I look forward to seeing more of it.^^[/QUOTE]

Aww, thank you very much. =) More will be coming in the future, I just need some time that's all.

First off you need to know she loves politics and she goes to the town meetings nearly EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK. She never did this last year, but it's not just that. When she comes home she's all scared about something like, the family getting hurt by "them" because of something she said or did. I don't even know who the heck "they" are!!! She also claims the house, cars, phones, and computers are some how bugged. She has no proof what so ever that these items are "bugged"! I have seen no changes in my life either because of the "bugging". She also says she's trying to do her best to protect us. As far as I'm concerned she's made the family more vulnerable because now "THEY" know who she is now!!

Earlier today I fought with her again. I was talking about my upcoming interview for AP next year and then she says "If you don't get in, don't think it's anything against you, it's because of me."

Has your Mom ever considered going to a psychiatrist and saying why she would feel this way? If not it might be good to consider doing so.

I would like to echo what the other people said too. I am praying seriously for you and your family. Keep us posted?

Roz (post: 1312140) wrote:Has your Mom ever considered going to a psychiatrist and saying why she would feel this way? If not it might be good to consider doing so.

I would like to echo what the other people said too. I am praying seriously for you and your family. Keep us posted?

Yes it was considered, but she doesn't want to go because it would hinder her from getting a job. =(

Thank very much for your heart felt prayers, I truly appreciated them very much. I will definitely keep you posted. ^^

I know what you are going through, to an extent. It's not an easy thing to deal with, I know. But it's good to hear that you are getting back into art again. You have a marvelous gift, I truly feel that you will be in that AP class. I will be praying for you!

Ante Bellum (post: 1312323) wrote:I know what you are going through, to an extent. It's not an easy thing to deal with, I know. But it's good to hear that you are getting back into art again. You have a marvelous gift, I truly feel that you will be in that AP class. I will be praying for you!

I'm glad to be getting back into art too. ^^ By Monday or Tuesday I'll know about AP art, so I'll let everyone know then. Thank you so much for the compliment and for your prayers, you're so kind. ;_;

Just checking up on you. How is everything?

Phantom_Sorano (post: 1312669) wrote:Just checking up on you. How is everything?

It's been alright around the house today, but yesterday my mom was out of the house for like 14hrs at some training/class thing. I honstly have no clue where she was, I can't keep track anymore. When she came home apparently she had a heated conversation with my dad. I don't know what it entailed, but I guess it might have partly been about the evil of evils... money. About 2 months ago I cried at a public restaurant to her about it, but I guess it didn't affect her. =(

Besides that, my spiritual life is slowly (by that I mean very slowly) getting better. ^^ Saturday I prayed to God to help me get through this terrible cold I have. Today when I woke up I felt almost better! I'm still coughing some, but not as much.

I'll update everyone in a few more days. Thanks for checking in!

Looking forward to your update, it's excellent to hear that you are getting closer to God. If no one else can, He will help you. Keep strong, but no matter what, no matter how hard things get or how alone one might feel, He will be there!