CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Alright well after the virus and since the hospital I haven't felt quite right...

I mean I can do all normal functions but my brain doesn't seem like its processing right.

For instance, speaking and writing seems to be a little bit harder for me in both reading and processing the information. Normally I have no issues at all with spelling and such but I'm starting to have a hard time with this type of thing.

In the hospital they said that I had some slowing on the right side of my brain but I think logistics is on my left side. I'm not sure.

I'm also still having a hard time physically in terms of getting fatigued quickly and pain down my legs. The docs just shrug their shoulders at it though.

Please pray.

Thankyou and God bless!

Kelly

Kelly, I just said a prayer for you. I'm not sure what else to say, but try to take it easy (I understand about getting fatigued easily) and don't push yourself too hard.
*hugs* I pray things get better soon or you get some answers...

Gosh, I think I'd take anything but problems with my brain. You're always in my prayers. And so is your boyfriend.

*shrug hard to say if its a permanent thing...i just know that my brain isn't processing the rate it was before I got sick..

the way that it was explained to me was that I had a body shutdown...basically my body couldn't handle the stress i put on it and tried to turn off to survive...looks like my brain got a hit too

Praying!

Hey guys

I'm struggling hard against depression and stuff. It so darn frustrating!!!! I feel like my brain is moving slower, my bills are only piling higher. I'm not getting the hours in my job like I need. I may not be able to take school cuz of logistic and financial purposes. All the mistakes in my life are really coming to kick me in the back while i'm down.

I also want to marry my fiancee...even if it isn't an official ceremony but i'm terrified of what my family will do cuz matt and I have only been together for less than six months....

argh..i'm sorry..i'm not trying to sound ungrateful for what the Lord has provided...I guess i'm just venting

thanks for listening

Poor Kelly... It's really too bad that these things don't seem to be getting better.

Have faith in God and have Godly patience. Seek the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). I understand how the past can come back to bite you. I graduated from college and did not immediatley get a good job due to depression. Now I'm a little under 50K in debt and even though I now have a job that pays a decent amount, I am still currently living from paycheck to paycheck (though I have faith that God will break my debt and I see God anwsering my prayers). However I do not worry, but instead I specifically concentrate on a couple of scriptures:

Matthew 6:31-34 - "Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

and Romans 8:28 - And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

You and your fiancee are in my prayers always.

I'm having patience it just hurts....I'm hurting emotionally and mentally so bad right now and I can't hide it anymore. I tried to be strong for my fiacee but i broke down last night and i still suffer from depression....sometimes I do not like even being me? All i seem to do is dissapoint people?

okay i'm venting more....

I can't hold in my hurt anymore...i am hiding it so well that i do not even see it but i can feel it ...like a cancer inside me. It isn't bitterness, it isn't anger....it's pain. Deep gut wrenching pain that feels like your insides are coming out.

Yes i know i have much to be grateful in my life..and I praise God for it...but I hurt so much....and I guess i have hid it so long even from myself. Its funny....I take into my subconscious and it waits, hiding. I have done this since I was little and seem to be a master at it. Hide and don't be seen and you won't be in anyone's way...you won't be hurting or dissappointing anybody...

sorry guys i'm venting cuz this is the only way I can do it right now

again

thanks for listening

You are always in my prayers! *Hugs* I am so sorry you feel like you are always in everyone's way, but truth be told, you are never in the way. If you hide all your feelings like you have been, they will eventualy overwhelm you and destroy you. That sounds harsh, but it is the cold hard truth. When you start to feel overwhelmed, just think of how much your BF loves you and picture his smiling face, and you will calm down. You never know what is going to come at you in life, and what it does throw at you, there sometimes is a little something extra in the middle to make you feel like things will never be ok. But when you get those little extra things, take them and kick them into the goal! The goalie may try to block it, but you have put your all into it and will sail right past him and score your team the winning point.

I didnt mean to ramble like that, but I do want to let you know I am always praying for you.

Yours

Roxas

Thankyou Roxas...

I feel destroyed right now and incidentally my life now is better than it has ever been in terms of emotional support and everything else. i'm so used to my life just being hard and abusive from the last two years that..well I guess I dont' really get how to function now and my emotions are going haywire

I'll be praying for you.

thankyou

im trying to not become self destructive but the depression is hitting me hard and fast....kinda feels like i am getting the wind knocked out of me....man i don't want matt to see me like this

Definetly praying...please be strong. THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!!!

i'm doing better now..broke down with my fiancee and i'm doing better...its just hard cuz i feel like its taking way too long

I'll continue to pray as well ^^

You should really take things easy. You just started recovering. It's going to take some time to fully recover Take things one step at a time Don't rush things and I'm sure everything will fall back into place ^^ It sounds your body just needs time to catch up.. y'know

Still praying for you, Kelly!
*hugs* Don't beat yourself up so much --healing takes considerable time. I'm undergoing the healing process myself (you know my background) and I know it won't happen overnight. But I am confident that God, who started the process in me, will complete it --in the meantime, I am a work in progress.
It's okay to cry. It has taken me years to realize that and I still struggle with embarrassment for crying in front of people --but it's okay to do so. God gave us that ability as a way to let out the hurt inside us. So cry as much as you would like --it'll help.

Feel free to PM me anytime, ok? Hang in there, sister.

*Hugs, one step at a time, I know things have been rough for you, healing takes time, and so does life... It is really something of the 20th century to want everything now, but it is also seems to be the 20th century that we worry about the stuff that hasnt happened yet, the bf thing... Dont worry about that, I think that he is a great guy the little i have seen of him I think that your family will see the same thing... Hugs I know that it may take a considerable time to heal, from this sickness but dont rush it. You are a strong person and will recover :p At the same rate dont try to tackle to much because it may just take longer God's got it all figured out, just let it be, I know how much harder this is than it is to say tho... I will keep you in my prayers, God Bless

Glad to hear you're feeling a little better. Remember, you're always in my prayers. And like Inu said, you're a strong person. I'm sure you'll get through this like everything else.

Just be patient and don't push things.. ok? Pushing it will just set things back ^^

I'm praying for you. You are strong, but this originates from the strength of God and your faith in Him. Every night I pray that you are healed and made whole, mind, body, and soul. I will pray for you more often. All of your brothers and sisters here love you. Let's bare each other's burdens (Galatians 6:2). You are in pain, sister, so I hurt. But I know we'll all get through this together.

well just went to a depression chat room to try and get some help...talk to ppl and i told them what has happened in the last two years...one person came on told me i was a fake in much more explicant terms....well that hurt..bad. I don't know why but it did.. Please pray for this person and for me...took another hit

I wouldn't worry about them. They don't know you or what you've been through u_u

Kunoichi (post: 1239096) wrote:well just went to a depression chat room to try and get some help...talk to ppl and i told them what has happened in the last two years...one person came on told me i was a fake in much more explicant terms....well that hurt..bad. I don't know why but it did.. Please pray for this person and for me...took another hit

This person obviously lacks the important qualities of tact and compassion --what a stupid thing to say to anybody --especially in a depression chatroom.

Anyway, remember that this person is most likely lost --and thus acts like a lost person (a pretty rude one at that). Try not to take it personally.

On another website (in the comments on an article about a legal case with a service dog), I was called lazy because I have a service dog to help me and was told I should use a walker and a grabber thing instead. It hurt pretty bad, but it helped to remember that this person was lost and just looking to gain attention for her/himself (kind of like the trolls that pop up here now and then).

Hang in there, Kelly. Don't let this jerk get you down. We're here for you and we love you very much. Remember that this person is a mere man and remember how God sees you. *hugs*

Psalm 103
[I]Of David.
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul]

*smile *wipes away tears

thankyou sis ^_^

Kunoichi (post: 1239096) wrote:well just went to a depression chat room to try and get some help...talk to ppl and i told them what has happened in the last two years...one person came on told me i was a fake in much more explicant terms....well that hurt..bad. I don't know why but it did.. Please pray for this person and for me...took another hit

Sounds like a wonderful person. Though I, personally, look down on those kind of people. From about six feet if you know what I'm saying. :eyeroll:

ya know i think i'm struggling with the fact that things aren't life and death anymore (no more abuse or huge amounts of stress) its like i'm trying to create it cuz i'm so used to it...

i mean it feels wierd not having to worry, not having to feel all the pain all the time and to just have ppl around me that care.....its just wierd...i know it may be happiness but i can't really describe it and i struggle with it cuz i'm confused by it lol ^_^

but i am returning to my love of anime..cuz i went away for a while....poor anime

Kunoichi (post: 1239411) wrote:ya know i think i'm struggling with the fact that things aren't life and death anymore (no more abuse or huge amounts of stress) its like i'm trying to create it cuz i'm so used to it...

i mean it feels wierd not having to worry, not having to feel all the pain all the time and to just have ppl around me that care.....its just wierd...i know it may be happiness but i can't really describe it and i struggle with it cuz i'm confused by it lol ^_^

but i am returning to my love of anime..cuz i went away for a while....poor anime

Well, you have been struggling through stress and whatnot for as long as I've known you I remember when we first started talking.. you were working 50 so something hours a week or so o.O

So yes, it would be something to get used to ^^

I'm sure the animu has missed you too <33