Some of you may remember a thread previously posted by me in this forum about a suicide attempt I made late last year. To recap, I lied to my family and friends about it being done on purpose and to this day have not told the truth to a soul (outside of CAA, that is).
Well, after that incident and all the trouble and pain it caused, I promised myself that I would never even consider doing something like that again. Unfortunately, I have already broken that promise. Not even a year has passed, but I'm stuck in a rut once again.
I'm beginning to think that my suicidal thoughts stem from recurring bouts with depression caused by stress. I just feel so hopeless all the time, and when I think about my position in life, I can't see any possible way that things will work out all right. I'm utterly desperate for any escape route, and I don't know what to do. I'm trying to let God handle this, but I'm failing miserably. I know that killing myself will not solve anything, but if things keep continuing this way, I'm afraid that I'm going to make that choice anyway. Please, please pray for me.
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Formerly known as haru_bay_nay
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"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28
"Even when our eyes are closed, there's a whole world out there that lives outside ourselves and our dreams." --Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist
“To put alcohol in the human is like putting sand in the bearing of an engine." --Thomas Edison
[color="RoyalBlue"][font="Trebuchet MS"]The simplest way that I can understand therapy is that we're born a certain way, we're taught to be something different, and we spend our whole lives trying to unravel it and ultimately align ourselves with who we really are. Life, experiences, traumas -- whatever -- they all add up to make you some altered version of what you are. So there's this battle that goes on between what you are and what you become, and it's been very important for me to unravel what I was taught to be or what I became. and to draw a direct parallel to music -- the closer I get back to being who I really am, the stronger the music gets..." --Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins frontman)[/font][/color]
Adopted by KhakiBlueSocks!
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Avatar by: tinamakesicons(LiveJournal.com)
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28
"Even when our eyes are closed, there's a whole world out there that lives outside ourselves and our dreams." --Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist
“To put alcohol in the human is like putting sand in the bearing of an engine." --Thomas Edison
[color="RoyalBlue"][font="Trebuchet MS"]The simplest way that I can understand therapy is that we're born a certain way, we're taught to be something different, and we spend our whole lives trying to unravel it and ultimately align ourselves with who we really are. Life, experiences, traumas -- whatever -- they all add up to make you some altered version of what you are. So there's this battle that goes on between what you are and what you become, and it's been very important for me to unravel what I was taught to be or what I became. and to draw a direct parallel to music -- the closer I get back to being who I really am, the stronger the music gets..." --Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins frontman)[/font][/color]
Adopted by KhakiBlueSocks!
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Fionn Fael - Posts: 197
- Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2006 3:08 pm
- Location: Owl Freckles
Praying for you once again through your struggles...
神 は、 その 独り 子 を お与え に なった ほど に 世 お愛 された。
独り 子 を 信じる 者 が 一人 も滅 ひない で, 永遠 の 命 お得る ため で ある。
ヨハネ 3:16
独り 子 を 信じる 者 が 一人 も滅 ひない で, 永遠 の 命 お得る ため で ある。
ヨハネ 3:16
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Tenshi no Ai - Posts: 4789
- Joined: Fri Jul 02, 2004 11:01 am
- Location: l
I'll be praying for you.
Sister, I know what it's like to want out. I suppose you've heard people telling you to take heart because God loves you... I've found it doesn't help a lot unless I really start to think about who God is. He has a lot of things planned for you - hard things amongst them, presumably, but good things. These are some facts that help me. (Though it takes a lot to think about it. I, for one, find it much easier to slip into self-pity.)
If nothing else, remember that you don't have the right to harm yourself or kill yourself. You're not your own - you belong to God and if He doesn't want you dead, don't you go doing it anyway. You're not allowed. End of story. God knows the right time for you to die and doesn't want you picking another to suit yourself.
Y'know, if it is depression, mebbe there's medication that can help to even out the chemical imbalances. Chemical answer for a chemical problem and so forth. Does your doctor know?
As I said, I'll be praying.
Piney.
Sister, I know what it's like to want out. I suppose you've heard people telling you to take heart because God loves you... I've found it doesn't help a lot unless I really start to think about who God is. He has a lot of things planned for you - hard things amongst them, presumably, but good things. These are some facts that help me. (Though it takes a lot to think about it. I, for one, find it much easier to slip into self-pity.)
If nothing else, remember that you don't have the right to harm yourself or kill yourself. You're not your own - you belong to God and if He doesn't want you dead, don't you go doing it anyway. You're not allowed. End of story. God knows the right time for you to die and doesn't want you picking another to suit yourself.
Y'know, if it is depression, mebbe there's medication that can help to even out the chemical imbalances. Chemical answer for a chemical problem and so forth. Does your doctor know?
As I said, I'll be praying.
Piney.
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Pinecone Tortoi - Posts: 41
- Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2006 3:46 pm
I will be praying for you. You are in a tough part of growing up. I've been there. I never got close to hurting myself, but I did wish I had died, etc... But that is the beauty of it. It is a phase. You will grow out of this, a stronger person. Maybe someday, God will use your unique point of veiw to reach out to someone in the same position. Someone very close to me went through a period of mental Hell in there life, and now uses that perspective to save others.
Things will get better. Find something you like to do, pour you spare time into it (to keep your hands from being idle), find an accountability partner or study mate, and trust in God. I hope even some of my advice helps. Again, God does love you, and everyone here at CAA loves you. So if you think you won't be missed or something, remember 6,102 members, plus God, are praying for you.
One thing I heard that has always stuck with me is: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Things will get better. Find something you like to do, pour you spare time into it (to keep your hands from being idle), find an accountability partner or study mate, and trust in God. I hope even some of my advice helps. Again, God does love you, and everyone here at CAA loves you. So if you think you won't be missed or something, remember 6,102 members, plus God, are praying for you.
One thing I heard that has always stuck with me is: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
It takes bad jokes to appreciate the good ones.
rsnumber2.com - A directory of all things rsnumber2.
Goufy Shumi - People think my shumi is goufy.
Titus 2:11-14 - What I strive for.
rsnumber2.com - A directory of all things rsnumber2.
Goufy Shumi - People think my shumi is goufy.
Titus 2:11-14 - What I strive for.
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rsnumber2 - Posts: 335
- Joined: Sun Mar 25, 2007 12:00 pm
- Location: As a square peg, I am currently trying to fit in a round hole.
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