please pray

[fairyprincess90]

my grandmom passed away this morning. she was saved but it was horrible for me and my mom.
this morning my grandmom called the house and was gasping saying she couldnt breathe so my mom rushed over and i was left at home to make the kids breakfast. later my mom calls screaming for me to run over (my grandmom lives right across the street). my mom was crying and screaming on the phone i could barely understand her. so i ran over in my pajamas and police just arrived at the house. there was one police woman who came and i ran into the house and they were trying to get my grandmom on the floor because she wasnt breathing. i grabbed my grandmom's legs and we got her on the floor. she still wasnt breathing. then a medic and an amblulance came and tried CPR and then more medics came. my grandmom was throwing up blood all over. they said she had fluid in her lungs. then my grandmom went into cardiac arrest. i was running from our house to my grandmoms getting my mom clothes(since she was also in pajamas) and my moms purse and car keys in case they rushed her to the hospital. before the ambulance came my mom was holding my grandmoms head and my grandmom whisphered "its time. i'm dying." my mom believes my grandmom died before the medics even arrived.
but the medics still tried. then, the one paramedic went to my mom and said shes passed and my mom broke down. my mom hasnt stopped crying since. shes not crying because of grandmom shes crying because of herself. she's going to miss my grandmom so much and so am i. my grandmom was the closet grandparent i had. she lived across the street since i was six and she taught me to play chess and crochet and bake.
i feel i killed my grandmom because all last week i had the flu and had really bad chest congestion. and then when i heard them say that she had too much mucus in her lungs i feel i got her sick and that i killed her because sunday she rode with me to an orchestra concert i was performing in and i was still sick. i feel its my fault. i know god took her and that it was his time for her but i feel he used me to kill her.
i feel horrible.
and i'm numb. i have only cried twice for only two minutes and thats it. i cant cry. i almost feel like i'm in a dream because it happened so quickly.
she was over our house last night for dinner and was acting fine.
i never got to say goodbye to her. the last i saw her was when the medics were giving her CPR. i saw her lying there with blood trickling over her pale lips, her mouth just hanging open, her body limp. why did god take her? she was only 74... she was too young. too young for this to happen.
i still cant believe shes dead. i want to just wake up and find it was all a bad dream.
but i dont think i will wake up.

please pray for my mom and aunt. they have so many things to take of now.
thank you.

[RedMage]

Praying.

Don't think it was your fault. God was in control, and thinking that way won't do you or anyone else any good.

[Tenshi no Ai]

Don't think it was your fault. God was in control, and thinking that way won't do you or anyone else any good.

It's true, it's all in His planning. And don't forget, it's not "goodbye" it's only a "see you later" because you'll be able to meet again. I'll be praying...

[SP1]

I am not sure what to say here. I hope in the fullness of time you come to understand that you are not at fault here. The syptoms you describe are way more advanced that flu, so at a minimum there would have had to be some sort of secondary thing. That would be really fast onset for something you just infected her with Sunday. My personal, non-medical opinion is that she had something latent, perhaps that you did not know about, and it finally caught up with her.

It sounds like your life with your grandmother was blessed in its fullness. If you dwell on something, dwell on this fullness, not the emptyness of her loss.

Praying.

[fairyprincess90]

we buried her today. i did not cry much. i cried it all last night. my mom and i just sat on my bed and i cried about everything to her until 12 at night.
so i was all out of tears this morning. i think everyone handled it very well. we now have some cousins over and everyone is laughing and having a good time. they are all in the kitchen laughing about good times.
thanks for your prayers i really appreciate it.
i have many people i can talk to. i have a senior prayer partner and my youth pastor and his wife and my pastor. so thank you so much for all your prayers they have definetly helped. yesterday we went over to the house. when i walked into the living room where she died i was fine. i knew she was dead because i saw it happen. but when i went down the hall and into other rooms i started crying because the one room contains nothing much but a book shelf, a copying machine, and a clothes rack. two days before she died i was in that room with her and she was copying some flute music for me. that room held alot of memories because whenever my mom would send me over to get something copied i would sit and talk to her the whole time. in that room my grandmom and i had so many talks. when i went into that room again i broke down because in that room her death didnt seem real. i almost heard her footsteps down the hall, i almost pictured her at the copying machine. it hurt so bad. my heart aches so much.
i'm not showing my emotions but... i do hurt. i think i hurt more than anyone.
i hurt because it was the first time i saw someone died and it had to be her. it had to be my mom-mom who meant so much. who was such a role model for me.
but i know shes happy where she is. and i dont want her back because heaven is so much better than earth. but i do wish i could've had just a little more time to tell her goodbye and tell her i love her.

but thank you so much for your prayers. it means so much.

[Ryupower]

awwww

I'll pray. Or continue so. Sorry.

Some day you'll be reunited. ^^
Remember that, also, she's in a WAY better place now, partying without any sin or pain!

[SP1]

we buried her today. i did not cry much. i cried it all last night. my mom and i just sat on my bed and i cried about everything to her until 12 at night.
so i was all out of tears this morning. i think everyone handled it very well. we now have some cousins over and everyone is laughing and having a good time. they are all in the kitchen laughing about good times.
thanks for your prayers i really appreciate it.
i have many people i can talk to. i have a senior prayer partner and my youth pastor and his wife and my pastor. so thank you so much for all your prayers they have definetly helped. yesterday we went over to the house. when i walked into the living room where she died i was fine. i knew she was dead because i saw it happen. but when i went down the hall and into other rooms i started crying because the one room contains nothing much but a book shelf, a copying machine, and a clothes rack. two days before she died i was in that room with her and she was copying some flute music for me. that room held alot of memories because whenever my mom would send me over to get something copied i would sit and talk to her the whole time. in that room my grandmom and i had so many talks. when i went into that room again i broke down because in that room her death didnt seem real. i almost heard her footsteps down the hall, i almost pictured her at the copying machine. it hurt so bad. my heart aches so much.
i'm not showing my emotions but... i do hurt. i think i hurt more than anyone.
i hurt because it was the first time i saw someone died and it had to be her. it had to be my mom-mom who meant so much. who was such a role model for me.
but i know shes happy where she is. and i dont want her back because heaven is so much better than earth. but i do wish i could've had just a little more time to tell her goodbye and tell her i love her.

but thank you so much for your prayers. it means so much.

You know, with only a little bit of work, the words you have written above would make a really good song.

[Radical Dreamer]

Aw man, that's really awful that you had to see her go like that. I can't imagine how hard that'd be. I'll be praying for you and your family, though.

[Angel37]

*hugs* It's ok. She's in a better place right now and I think she'd want you to be happy for her. If you need anything let me know and I'll try my best to be of some help. I'm praying for you guys.