uselessnes, lethargy :/

[Tenshi no Ai]

I realize those are symptoms of depression, but that is not so for me...

Right now, I just don't know where I stand in life: in His Will. Where He wants me, what He wants me to do, and so forth. I'm so glad that I'll be able to go to Bible college in a few months to grow more and possibly find out direction for that. But at the moment, I just sort of feel like I'm drifting about... I've gotten that feeling before right after high school when everyone was leavign and I was one of the few of my friends left behind, and just felt lonely and that I was floating around uselessly in the world :/ Only minor depression there, though. Just feeling down and sad about those changes and beign lonely... But that was then in that situation.

Now, I just feel... almost useless :/ Like, I have a part time job so I can go to college, and decided not to take classes on top of it because it was WAY too much to handle both, and I was not going to cut hours for it... So only being a part time job I'm at home, quite a bit. So sometimes I sit here and just, feel like I'm wasting away my talents... My one talent that I'm wanting to work on is writing. It's the only talent at the moment I can really use because it's the only one I can actually do somewhat well on :/ But even with writing I have to be in a certain mood and mindset to do my best job. And now, it's almost like lethargy, because as much as I would like to even work and practice on simple free writing about whatever and even a bit of praise poetry, I just can't get started and never feel up to it...

Also, due to certain situations, I'm really wanting to know in those specifically where God want me to stand and be... These are those times, I really wish I knew about things.

Prayer for all this would be much appreciated, and also for His direction and guidance in my life, which is something I really need now. I want to try and do what He wants me to do, but it can be tough when you just don't know what that is... Especially when it comes to making decisions and so forth...

[heero yuy 95]

Heya, kiddo! I know how you feel. Perhaps you could use a little pep prayer. Sometimes we all have those days where we're sprawled out on the couch, and it's just like, "k, what now?". Fear not, you aren't the only one to experience such feelings and thought patterns. Sometimes you can't hear what God wants you doing cuz you're running... the wrong way. Sometimes you just gotta take it easy and tune out all the chatter and noise of the world. you know what i be saying? He'll tell you what needs be done, sometimes you just need to listen a little harder. Hang in there. It'll get better

[SP1]

I wonder what Paul thought about on those long walks between cities in the Mediterranian. Perhaps he composed his letters then. Just out (sometimes kicked out) of one city after an intense ministry, and off to another, unknown place.

You're just between assignments. I recommend some volunteer work to pass the time, if possible. Might keep your mind off the meh.

[Cap'n Nick]

Also, for all the writers out there:

The difference between a professional writer and an amateur writer is that a professional writes when he doesn't feel like it.

This can apply to just about any kind of art, but it is especially true for writers. You're feeling down, but in this you have an opportunity to take on one of your passion's biggest hurdles.

But, I think there's a bigger problem here. Putting your sense of worth in your accomplishments - even your accomplishments for God - is a very dangerous path. All people are precious to God. We should never feel like we're just taking up space. It's understandable to want to know where you're going next, but don't think that God can't use you where you are, even if it feels like you're stuck in neutral.

[Tenshi no Ai]

But, I think there's a bigger problem here. Putting your sense of worth in your accomplishments - even your accomplishments for God - is a very dangerous path. All people are precious to God. We should never feel like we're just taking up space. It's understandable to want to know where you're going next, but don't think that God can't use you where you are, even if it feels like you're stuck in neutral.

Yeah, just hard being in these neutral points... And I know well that just because it doesn't actually feel like you're doing much, you can still doing alot more than you think. Althought it is a hard thing to realize^^ I know people's lives can be impacted and stuff, without being overly enthusiastic and "being out there". Guess I wish I was, I guess.

I think one big thing with it too, is that I have been placed in a couple different situations already, that I'm not sure exactly where to stand in them. Guess this doesn't help either with this "standstill" feeling, because I feel like I'm in a frozen position, and don't know where I am or where I am to go with it. I guess... I'll just find out eventually...

For the writing thing, even when I'm not up to doing my creative writing, I try my best to at least write, anything. Written a couple super-long PMs and emails, so it's at least something for practice^^ Yeah, still an amatuer definately, just somethign else I'll have to work on.

[freerock1]

Hey Tenshi, I'm lifting you up to the Father regarding these situations. I think direction and guidance from God is something all of us (or at least myself) can use more of.

And thank you for your faithfulness to lift up a prayer and encouraging word for the needs in this forum.