Mature prayer topics (older or mature members only, please)

[Xeno]

A couple of things here Maka:

1. You're an adult. If you feel like the right thing to do would be to approach your father with what you found and discuss it with him then do that. That's what one of the benefits of being an adult is, you get to talk to other adults, even when they're your parents, about adult things.

2. Try to avoid snooping around on other people's computers. Whatever it is you've found has obviously upset you, so it's probably something that needs to be talked about, but it's not your computer, and most people probably wouldn't be too happy if they let someone use their computer to go on YouTube or whatever only to find out that the person then decided to go looking through their bookmarks and other stuff.

Either way, good luck.

[ClosetOtaku]

About two weeks ago I went on my dads computer, I was waiting for a video to load and got really bored so I was browsing through the bookmarks, I came across a folder at the bottom that had some really awkward titled bookmarks, I feel really uncomfortable saying what they were. I've been debating whether to bring it up to my dad, if it'd be inappropriate to or not, but its on my mind a lot and I have a hard time trusting him because of it, makes me feel sick. My brothers and I have noticed other things that kinda point to him being in this sort of thing already. I also feel like I can't talk to my mom or him about it, it'd make my mom feel bad. I have no one to talk to :/ anyway I'd like prayer whether I should talk to my dad about it or not, and for him to get past this.

Wow, this is an awkward situation. But it is here, and let's face it full-on:

• It is affecting the way you feel
  
• It is affecting your relationship with your dad
  
• You want him to get past this.

OK, now I have to assume that the folders have some not-so-nice content, presumably pornography. And, unless he's involved in some sort of legitimate research, there is no acceptable reason for him to be collecting this stuff. Here's the hard part:

• On his own power, it is very unlikely your Dad will stop doing this
  
• As you have seen yourself, this sort of behavior is ultimately destructive to relationships, whether it is discovered or not
  
• While your dad has a reasonable expectation of privacy, the cat's out of the bag, and your conscience is bothering you because you know deep down you have some sort of obligation to act

While the situation is usually the other way around (parent discovers child is stashing pornography or other objectionable material), this is much harder, because children should never have to be placed in a position to have to confront their parents.

But that's where you are.

Every family is different, so no one set of solution optimally applies. Are you close to your dad? Distant? Are there other family members who are closer? Can you talk to them and trust them that they will confront your dad? Are you strong enough to do it yourself? Because confrontation is what needs to be done, IMO.

Depending on the situation, I might even go so far as to recommend bringing a family friend (again, who can be trusted) if no one else, in your opinion, is in a good position to discuss this firmly but lovingly.

You are right, at this moment, not to involve your mom. Your dad needs to be confronted, but confronted constructively. For a variety of reasons, it is likely that your mom

• will react emotionally rather than logically
  
• will take this personally rather than seeing it objectively
  
• could suffer long-term, and possibly permanent, loss of self-worth, at least where your dad is concerned

This is too bad because, as a general rule, this has little to do with your mom's behavior, personality, and worth as a person.

Who should confront and how to confront, then, is what you should pray for and think about. The confrontation will produce one of two results:

• Your dad will feel bad about his actions, try to amend his behavior, and must always be aware he is susceptible to this sort of temptation, or
  
• He will go deeper underground.

That's up to him, you can't control that. And if he is confronted lovingly, and made to face the fact that this sort of behavior is ultimately destructive, and knows that it is hurting others, it is more likely (always, with God's help) that he will recognize his weakness and attempt to remedy it. No guarantees, though, and if he continues to see this as a 'victimless' behavior, it is likely he will continue with it (though much more carefully so as to avoid further detection).

I'm sure there's a lot more going on, and you have to assess the situation according to the details only you know. How and when to act is largely up to your assessment. That you must act, though -- I think that decision has been made for you.

[Atria35]

Both Xeno and ClosetOtaku have extremely valid points. You're an adult, and need to make a decision on whether (and how) you'll talk to your dad about it. And as an adult, you can (should, since you are the one who found it) talk to him face-to-face.

Good luck, and praying!

[MrKrillz0r]

I hope I do not get judged of spamming, but I'm back with another prayer request!

This time it's for a online friend I met on youtube. Our first encounter were on some conspiracy video, and she were debating with someone in comment field if I remember things right, and I answered her with some of the thoughts she had on God. This continued into loads of PM's, in which we were talking music, life and God. And one day I got the message that she had went to a church service, and God had spoken to her and all I had written suddenly made sense to her. Anyway, after a few months of talking, we kinda lost contact. Though I recently sent her a PM, and apparently she is now engaged, pregnant and happy with life. She is only 18 but living the tough life she had she is already more grown up than many ever become. And I do not for a second doubt the fact that she will become an excellent mum. However, the fact that she isn't married, yet pregnant, made me a bit worried. But I chose to ignore the matter the first message I got, and I congratulated her. But when the second message came yesterday I felt that I had to write something to her. And after a lot of praying I got to work and I sent her a message where I explained that sex outside marriage is something sinful according to the Bible, meanwhile also trying to explain why. I also tried to keep the message as loving as I could, making sure she did know I was not judging her and keeping the fact that there is forgiveness for all sins very clear. I feel as if this was something God called me to do, but I would really be happy if you could pray for my friend, since this message will surely be a harsh one to read.

[Atria35]

^ Ouch. I actually think you were in the wrong for sending it - she is engaged in the end, and sending her that message isn't going to magically end her pregnancy or or reverse her decision. No matter how lovingly you word that, she's already going to church and has accepted God - you don't know what happened, spiritually or emotionally, for her over the last few months. For all you know, she understood that and repented before you sent that message. You've cast judgement without any of the details, and are very much at risk for destroying that friendship.

[Xeno]

^ Ouch. I actually think you were in the wrong for sending it - she is engaged in the end, and sending her that message isn't going to magically end her pregnancy or or reverse her decision. No matter how lovingly you word that, she's already going to church and has accepted God - you don't know what happened, spiritually or emotionally, for her over the last few months. For all you know, she understood that and repented before you sent that message. You've cast judgement without any of the details, and are very much at risk for destroying that friendship.

This. And oh by the way, might I add that Jesus himself doesn't have anything in the Bible talking about sex. If you have an issue with premarital sex then that is all well and good and perfectly understandable from a religious standpoint, but it is kind of stereotypical of you to start condemning her "in love" for a "mistake" she made. As Atria pointed out, she is engaged and she is going to church. Should this not already nullify what she did? And even then, Christianity has so many different denominations that it might not be that big of a deal in the congregation she is a member of.

Sending messages like this does nothing but further prove to people that Christians are just a bunch of self-righteous, stuck up, jerks who attempt to mask this under the guise of love and wanting people to make it to heaven.

[K. Ayato]

I'm with Xeno and Atria on this. You don't know if she realized what decisions she had made or if she got right with God and is on her way to a better life in spite of her choices. If she's a friend, you should be happy for her and wish her well in this new life she's about to begin with someone who we can safely assume loves her for who she is and is accepting of the baby growing inside her.

Never mind what you feel about the choices she made. She apparently decided to keep moving forward. I have friends that made life choices I don't agree with. Am I still their friend? Yes. Does that automatically mean I'm okay with their decision? Absolutely not. The difference between how I handled it and how you did with this jarring message to her is that I said "Hey, I don't really agree with what you decided on or why, but I'm not gonna let that stop me from still being your friend." and I stuck by my word. I didn't say they were going to Hell or that God was gonna turn His back on them. That's stupid and it's basically making me think I know how God works. And let's be honest. I don't. Neither do you.

[MrKrillz0r]

I did not say that God was angry with her, or that she had done something extremely sinful. I just wanted her to know the biblical viewpoint on this, as she herself doesn't know about this. I feel like you guys didn't grasp what the content of my message was, it was a message meant to make her aware. I did say that I was no better man myself considering I had done sexual sins as well, and that Jesus loves us whatever we might have done, as well as saying no human had the right to judge her. And I did congratulate her and support her for having a serious and commited relationship, though I pointed out that sex before marriage is sinful according to what many people believe, including myself, and that she should be aware of the fact. I do however realise now how incredible stupid this was, and I'm feeling deep regrets for sending a message like this without talking with others first. Though I do have hope it might not have been sent, since I cannot see it as a "sent" message on youtube. But as for serving as a message proving how I am a self-righteous, stuck up jerk I do not think it would have that effect. Rather it would be a uneeded worry for her to think off, and might lead to her feeling guilty for all of this. But if she got the message I will do whatever I can to explain my own stupidness of sending a message like that, and try to help her out with whatever hurt I might have put on her. Thanks for making me aware of my own stupidity in this action.

(I am now fairly sure I haven't sent it, Thank God!)

[Atria35]

I did not say that God was angry with her, or that she had done something extremely sinful. I just wanted her to know the biblical viewpoint on this, as she herself doesn't know about this. I feel like you guys didn't grasp what the content of my message was, it was a message meant to make her aware.

You said yourself that you hadn't talked with her in a while. Therefor, you don't know that she is ignorant of the fact that most Christians see it as a sin. I'm going to repeat myself here: It's fully possible she realized and repented. But as that's none of your business, she wouldn't have started off her message saying "Hey! I totally sinned by having sex outside of marriage and repented! Jesus4Life!" She wouldn't mention ANY of that to you. It doesn't concern you in any way.

I did say that I was no better man myself considering I had done sexual sins as well, and that Jesus loves us whatever we might have done, as well as saying no human had the right to judge her. And I did congratulate her and support her for having a serious and commited relationship, though I pointed out that sex before marriage is sinful according to what many people believe, including myself, and that she should be aware of the fact.

Again, you have no idea what her spiritual state is concerning this, and even assuming so is arrogant at best. (you also missed the boat on 'most people' - it's 'most Christians'). But even more troubling is how you've cleverly hidden your opinions in your writing. What you *meant* was YOU feel sex outside of marriage is a sin, but YOU still love and accept her and want to congratulate her on her upcoming marriage. This ambigous 'people' really only does a sole purpose of making her feel that there are a LOT of people out there who might treat her badly because of it and is stressing, not comforting. So when you have a beef, come out and just say YOU do not approve.

I do however realise now how incredible stupid this was, and I'm feeling deep regrets for sending a message like this without talking with others first. Though I do have hope it might not have been sent, since I cannot see it as a "sent" message on youtube. But as for serving as a message proving how I am a self-righteous, stuck up jerk I do not think it would have that effect. Rather it would be a uneeded worry for her to think off, and might lead to her feeling guilty for all of this. But if she got the message I will do whatever I can to explain my own stupidness of sending a message like that, and try to help her out with whatever hurt I might have put on her. Thanks for making me aware of my own stupidity in this action.

(I am now fairly sure I haven't sent it, Thank God!)

Solid plan. Good luck.

[SierraLea]

I might be young, but I'm not naive. So I think it's okay to ask you guys something.
I love to tickle, hold, hug, kiss my two really little sisters. But I don't like to do any of that stuff with older kids or adults. In fact, if you do it unexpectedly, I'll slap you to get away from you. I'm kind of worried these might be signs that I'm a pedofile. I don't want or intend to act like one, but I'm just worried.

[Atria35]

I might be young, but I'm not naive. So I think it's okay to ask you guys something.
I love to tickle, hold, hug, kiss my two really little sisters. But I don't like to do any of that stuff with older kids or adults. In fact, if you do it unexpectedly, I'll slap you to get away from you. I'm kind of worried these might be signs that I'm a pedofile. I don't want or intend to act like one, but I'm just worried.

No, it's not a sign of a pedophile. You like to show affection towards your younger sisters because you love them. You are also -related- to them, which also has to do with it. You're very close to them simply by virtue of living with them and being their sister. It is in no way, shape, or form unusual to be okay with physical affection from close relatives and not strange adults. It's just the opposite- it would be incredibly strange if you were okay with physical affection from strange adults and not young kids.

If you were a pedophile, you'd also feel sexually attracted to them. But it probably wouldn't be just them. It would also be young children of a certain age. You would prefer to be around kids instead of adults and find different ways of being alone around them. You'd attempt to find sexual gratification though them.

So you're fine.

[Hiryu]

I think most parents do this sort of behavior to their children when they're young. I mean, it is your family after all. This is considered normal affectionate behavior.

[K. Ayato]

Relax. You're not a pedophile. This is your family we're talking about. There's nothing wrong with being physically affectionate with your siblings. As Atria pointed out, if you were looking for some kind of sexual satisfaction while being with them (and other kids, not just your siblings), then you've got a problem.

As far as not wanting it from your peers, you're growing up. Don't freak out about it.

[shooraijin]

And oh by the way, might I add that Jesus himself doesn't have anything in the Bible talking about sex.

I missed this yesterday, but let's keep this to constructive advice and not theological interpretation (this is getting more towards the latter).

[SierraLea]

Thanks. I can now rest easy.

[Makachop^^128]

So I talked to my dad about the links he seemed very embarrassed and sad, and said he would take them off and to be praying for him, my mom found out about me finding them and she obviously new about them before from how she acted. Thing is, I didn't say this before but the links were of Men...I feel confused and really sad. When I first found them I panicked that it would ruin my parents relationship, but they seem like they are ok, thank God. I would like prayer for my parents relationship and prayer I will forgive my dad, and he will get over this.

(edit: Maybe that was a little too much to share, I just don't have anyone really to turn to then you guys and God about this)

[Atria35]

^ If your mom knew, then this is something they've talked about and have been dealing with for a while. This might not be what really strained their relationship last time they argued, but it would be a constant underlying issue.

I'll also take the rest of what I have to say to PM, since I'm unsure of whether I can say it on this forum.

[John the Roman]

I struggle with same sex attraction and pornography addiction in a bad way. My dad knows and we've worked a lot to help with it, filters and stuff, but it's still hard to shake something like this.

Keep in mind I'm not saying that same sex attraction of itself is necessarily sinful, but it is disordered and it will never lead to good things in the end (as per the Bible and the Catechism of the Catholic Church).

Anyway, please pray for me!

[SilverToast]

praying that what is hurting you goes away, John the Roman.

[TheGasMaster438]

John The Roman, You have realized you have a problem and you are doing something about it and that is great! I will pray for you friend

[airichan623]

hey guys...I have a prayer request for this thread. Lately I've been obsessed with my own sexuality and have been...touching myself. I find myself thinking about sex a lot. I don't like it- I know that's hormones but its gotta stop. I'm also being more and more tempted by hentai, etc. please pray.

[Atria35]

hey guys...I have a prayer request for this thread. Lately I've been obsessed with my own sexuality and have been...touching myself. I find myself thinking about sex a lot. I don't like it- I know that's hormones but its gotta stop. I'm also being more and more tempted by hentai, etc. please pray.

Is there a way for you to channel this energy into something more productive? My standard suggestion is to take up a hobby and go for it when you're feeling.... energetic. Knitting, painting, sewing, poetry, scrapbooking... something new and different. (And if it expresses how you feel, then it's really okay - Song of Solomon is all about sexuality/love and is absolutely beautiful. Sometimes just expressing need and frustration can be an emotional release)

[airichan623]

Is there a way for you to channel this energy into something more productive? My standard suggestion is to take up a hobby and go for it when you're feeling.... energetic. Knitting, painting, sewing, poetry, scrapbooking... something new and different. (And if it expresses how you feel, then it's really okay - Song of Solomon is all about sexuality/love and is absolutely beautiful. Sometimes just expressing need and frustration can be an emotional release)

funny, that's what my Christian counselor said to.

[Neane]

Speaking as a guy, I had the same thing when I was around 15 years old at the height of the hormonal outbreak...the only way I could get rid of it was to exercise 5 hours a day.

[Nate]

Playing video games counts as exercise right?

[Dr.Faust]

Join the Fighting Game Community

[AndrewinIce]

Is there a way for you to channel this energy into something more productive? My standard suggestion is to take up a hobby and go for it when you're feeling.... energetic. Knitting, painting, sewing, poetry, scrapbooking... something new and different. (And if it expresses how you feel, then it's really okay - Song of Solomon is all about sexuality/love and is absolutely beautiful. Sometimes just expressing need and frustration can be an emotional release)

I agree. For me, when I'm tempted no matter what it is, splitting wood is what I do. It helps take your mind off whatever, helps me think, is productive, and is exercise!

[Nate]

Things are sorta rough right now for me. I'm feeling pretty down and lonely, which isn't completely uncommon for me, but it's still a struggle. I'm trying to get to a better place but it's hard going.

I'm doing my best to avoid cybering/sexual roleplay, which I'm really into. I'm avoiding it because although I enjoy it and it helps me not feel as lonely (plus it makes me feel sexually desirable, which is nice), I don't really like how I see it when I pull back and try and look at it a bit more objectively. Basically what I mean is, well, I feel like I'm using the girl (or guy I mean I'm not into guys but some guys are really good at "playing" women) as an object in a way. Even if she's into it too, I still feel like I'm using her. Sounds kinda dumb, I know, but I guess it has to do with my low self-esteem ("She's just saying she's enjoying it, she's probably not").

I also feel like it isn't fair in a way, like if the other person gets a bit more attached. I don't do it with total strangers or anything, like I don't message random people and do it, the people I do it with are people that I know and am already friends with. So doing that kinda stuff can get the other person interested, and of course the problem is that I know that I'm not in a spot in my life right now where I'm ready for an actual committed relationship. So that makes it unfair to the other person, and can (and has) led to friendships that drifted apart because of my stupidity. It can also cause a problem when, for example, a transgender friend of mine became a bit interested and it was really awkward and made me feel like a total jerk to try and explain to her that I didn't know if I could have that kind of relationship with her until at least after she went on hormones to make her body female (and probably underwent SRS too).

So yeah, crap like that isn't worth it and so far I've been able to stop. I mean it isn't really the kind of thing you bring up in casual conversation or anything, and it's not like I have loads of girls interested in me. Still, seeing as how it did help me feel at least a bit better about myself, cutting it out has made me feel a bit lonelier. This is better than potentially hurting someone else, absolutely, but it still sucks and I'm just struggling with dealing with it.

[SilverToast]

Praying for you Nate!

[J_d.d]

Not sure how to describe this but i been going through a really disturbing hallucination over certain words and thoughts that i wanted to remove from my mind because they are really disgusting in nature (desiring unnatural desires(screwed up thoughts) and a lot of twisted disturbing feelings about other people, even drawings and images that i wanted to think become distorted or really unpleasant) like i am not sure are they ungodly soul ties or because i dwell on such themes(anime/manga) as well, recently i was thinking like should i just forget all anime and manga stuff, because its like i don't want to forget the good things. I just want to get rid of all the evil and bad stuff.