Mature prayer topics (older or mature members only, please)

[JunjouShaneru]

I'm so glad I found this site... I have loved watching anime my whole life, but only really got into it the year 2005. In 2006 me and my friends prayed for someone and amazing things started to happen, and my faith grew in ways I could have never imagined. That same year someone I met on the net made me curious about my sexual side. Which I guess was normal, I would've gotten curious about it sooner or later (I was 16 for pete's sake), but something awful happened and I discovered hentai (anime pornography) and ever since then for 5 long, guilt-ridden years, I've been plagued with this addiction (no use in calling it anything else). I told my Mom about it 2 years after it started, and she really tried to help in her own way, but in the end I guess she can't really give me the support I need. So in short I came here to confess and ask for help...I can't even go to church or to my normal bible activities on my own, because I feel too guilty. Even I know that God is ready to reach out and take my hand anytime, I just feel that I can't do it. Please pray for me and if you have any advice, I would appreciate it...

[Mithrandir]

Welcome, JunjouShaneru.

My apologies that this post was not approved until today!

Thread bumpped with the dual purpose of triggering the "new posts" system and letting you know you'll be in my prayers!

- Mith

[JunjouShaneru]

I'm so glad I found this site... I have loved watching anime my whole life, but only really got into it the year 2005. In 2006 me and my friends prayed for someone and amazing things started to happen, and my faith grew in ways I could have never imagined. That same year someone I met on the net made me curious about my sexual side. Which I guess was normal, I would've gotten curious about it sooner or later (I was 16 for pete's sake), but something awful happened and I discovered hentai (anime pornography) and ever since then for 5 long, guilt-ridden years, I've been plagued with this addiction (no use in calling it anything else). I told my Mom about it 2 years after it started, and she really tried to help in her own way, but in the end I guess she can't really give me the support I need. So in short I came here to confess and ask for help...I can't even go to church or to my normal bible activities on my own, because I feel too guilty. Even I know that God is ready to reach out and take my hand anytime, I just feel that I can't do it. Please pray for me and if you have any advice, I would appreciate it.

[Nate]

So, I don't really expect prayer or advice about this, but I wanted to just let it out somewhere, because sometimes it helps to just talk about stuff...it relieves the burden, a bit, and I don't feel like I can post about this on Facebook or anything, 'cuz y'know...family members.

At any rate, I've been feeling pretty depressed as of late. I've mostly gotten over it, and am more or less okay at the moment. I have a feeling the situation I was in was contributing to it a bit, and maybe still even is to a degree.

I hang out on Synchtube a lot (site where multiple people can watch synchronized Youtube videos so everyone is seeing the same part at once). I mostly hang out in the My Little Pony rooms, because hey, ponies are awesome. And there's a simple chat on the side of the video so people can talk, and I've met some pretty cool people on there.

So there's this one girl I met, and we chatted a bit, and somehow the subject of IM came up and we added each other on AIM, and we talked there too from time to time. And she and I got along pretty well, and enjoyed talking...and we started doing a little bit of roleplaying...obviously, sexual roleplaying. Which hey, I enjoy, she enjoys, whatever. Except for the fact that the roleplaying was fairly emasculating. I took the role of a servant, if you will. That bothered me a bit, especially when coupled with the larger problem.

The larger problem being, she doesn't have romantic feelings for me. I'm little more than a toy to be used by her when she wants to have some fun. And...I'm sort of okay with that. I alluded to it on my Facebook one day by posting lyrics from the Offspring which perfectly captured my feelings: "I know she's playing with me, that's okay 'cuz I got no self-esteem. I know I'm being used, it's okay because I like the abuse." My desire to be wanted by a member of the opposite sex makes me not even really care that she doesn't really care about me. I may be a toy that gets tossed aside when I have no more use, but the little bit of use I get makes me feel good. It's so rare that I get a female that will even look twice at me this way, so even if I have to do degrading things, the attention is more than what I normally get. And I know I should stop, and I've sort of made efforts to do so. I've removed her from my AIM list, though I didn't block her, because while I don't want to message her, I still want to be open to doing this again with her because...I like it. And sitting around waiting for a girl who actually cares about me to do this kind of stuff with hasn't worked out for me so far, and my desires only seem to increase with time.

I don't feel it's the kind of thing I can ask God for help with, because this is all my fault in the first place for being willing to go through with this stuff. It's kind of like, God has no obligation to help me, especially when I don't want things to change, because I know that if this stops, I'll go back to having nothing...and that feels terrible. I can't ask God for help when I'm okay with something I know I shouldn't be okay with. But I don't know how else to deal with the situation.

Anyway, like I said...I know there isn't really a lot of advice people can give me except "Don't talk to her!" which yes, I understand, except that I want to talk to her, or "Turn to God!" which I already explained why I feel like I can't, and besides, God...can't really fulfill these desires. He could get rid of them for me completely, which I'd be perfectly fine with. I've even tried that before, asking him to rid me of this kind of desire, I even took licorice root pills for a month or so (because I'd heard that licorice helped remove sexual desire...it didn't seem to work). So I'm just kind of stuck with it.

So yeah...I do feel a little better just letting it out, at least. Thanks for reading.

[JunjouShaneru]

@Nate You know what, even if you feel God is not obligated to help you, just remember that he's always there. You will never have nothing. Hope you get through this and I'll be praying.

[Hiryu]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Though you think God doesn't care, you are wrong. It would probably be best to terminate your relationship with this person. Or, you could ask them not to roleplay in that sort of way, though it may still happen in the future.

[Nate]

It would probably be best to terminate your relationship with this person.

I don't really think that's much of an issue, as she mentioned the other day she's moving in with her girlfriend so...she probably won't need me to be a toy for her, since she'll have her girlfriend there. *shrug*

Which actually makes me feel pretty lonely, 'cuz I'm going to miss this stuff...even though I know I shouldn't, and this is a good thing that I won't be able to do it anymore. But I can't help how I feel.

[TopazRaven]

Aw, Nate! I wish I could hug you right now. I'll never be able to understand what some people get out of toying with other people's feelings. It sickens me. Even though you don't feel it at the moment, it definitly is for the best that she doesn't talk to you anymore. I've never been in a situation like this before so I don't really think I can give any good advice and what-not, but I will certainly keep you in my prayers. I know you might not want to believe it, but you really do deserve better then this. You are a wonderful person with a great heart and deserve so much better then that woman.

[Nate]

I'll never be able to understand what some people get out of toying with other people's feelings.

I think I may have misspoken. I don't feel like she was purposely trying to hurt me. In other words, I'm sure she wasn't sitting there going "I'm going to make this guy feel miserable!" or anything. She was probably just lonely like I was and wanted some fun, and I was more than glad to provide it. But like I said, now that she's moved in with her girlfriend, I don't think I'm really needed anymore. She's not doing it to hurt me, I don't think she realized how lonely and desperate for female attention I am...which isn't her fault, I could have told her at any time. So if anything it's my fault.

[Sapphire225]

Will be praying. It seems more of a self-esteem and loneliness issue then a sexual desire in my opinion, although it is both. If possible (and difficult as it is), it is probably best to try to avoid such roleplays as much as possible if it results in one party being hurt in some way. Although I also don't think God would support the roleplay, he can help remove the desire like you said. It might take a while though, like how some people are addicted to porn and hentai. Also, God is not obligated to help anyone, yet He still does so because He loves us.

Will also be praying for Junjou to overcome hentai. From what I can tell hentai or any porn addiction is hard to get away from and takes some time, but you;ll be able to overcome it.

[JunjouShaneru]

Thanks Sapphire! So far it's been going well! Thanks for all the prayers <3

[Dr.Faust]

After looking back on my life and my issues I do truly think that I have OCD(maybe in many different forms. There are a few reasons I believe this

1. Ever scene I was nine I've had homosexual toughs. It started when I had the unfortunate chance of seeing a commercial for "Guys Gone Wild" which you can imagine scared the heck out of me. Now you can say that I could ether be lying to my self and that I'm truly gay(bi) or that I had some form of shock but you have to put a few things in to account

A. At the time I had no interest in ether gender.
B. The first person I like was a girl
C. I've never been able to be attracted to guys
D. For a little while,yes, I did think I was gay but once again I could never find guys all that attractive for more then like five min then I think their ugly, unlike women who I find attractive all the time.
E. Even if I was Gay I don't believe I would be happy.

Anyway the reason I brought that up is because I think I have Gay (H)OCD(yes its a real disorder). I pretty much fit the description of what I've read online as far as this OCD goes and I truly have this disorder. The reason I first started watching porn is because I was insecure about my sexuality(I'm an addict now because of lust but that's a different story).I have a gay friend and he thinks that I have HOCD. I've tried to come out to other people but eather they don't care, try to convert me to being gay, or think that I'm lying to me self and think that I'm gay.

Ok on the the next subject. I've noticed that I also have other sighs of OCD. I was walking today and for some reason I just had to skip the black lines in the cement every time I saw one. At first I though Its just something I did for fun but when I tried to stop skipping the lines I just keep getting this urge to skip them, which seem to be a sigh of OCD.

I'm also a perfectionist when it comes to music and digital art, This could be a sigh of OCD.

Also when every I hear cretin words to a song I have to replace certin words of the song for some reason. Ex: When I hear "You" by Obliven Dust, I have to replace F*** You with F*** Cod, I don't know why but I just have to, I don't have to do it with any other time I hear those words but when that song comes on I have to do that. I also do this with a song on Family Guy.

I have a lot more examples of why I think I have OCD and they all bring me tremendous stress, I think I should see a psychiatrist but I don't know how to explain all my issuse to my parents.

Article on Gay OCD
http://www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php

[K. Ayato]

That's gotta be tough. I'll keep this in prayer. I have a few thoughts/ideas that I'd like to discuss in PM if you're interested.

[Atria35]

Praying!

[Okami]

Ten months. God has remained faithful even where I have doubted my own ability to hold and press on. I wanted to thank you guys for your prayers last month - Jesus has really been working with me as I've taken the time to focus more on my devotional life.

[Yamamaya]

I don't really think that's much of an issue, as she mentioned the other day she's moving in with her girlfriend so...she probably won't need me to be a toy for her, since she'll have her girlfriend there. *shrug*

Which actually makes me feel pretty lonely, 'cuz I'm going to miss this stuff...even though I know I shouldn't, and this is a good thing that I won't be able to do it anymore. But I can't help how I feel.

This image macro can express more than I can put in words.


I guess I should be honest as well. I've watched soft core porn off an on for a while. I'm attempting to ween myself off it, so please pray for me folks.

Like I've said before, I have some different opinions about some sexual issues, but I find that porn is very unhealthy and can lead to some very bad things.

[Darth_Kirby]

I want to confess that my thought life isn't exactly pure right now. I'm struggling with my imagination, which is very vivid, concerning sexual things. Just so you understand when I see an actual situation, or read a fictional one, I imagine what would've happened if something different had taken place. This part of my imagination has extended into my thoughts on romantic situations and then... let's just say I let my imagination take me to where I shouldn't go. These thoughts are making me more prone to being tempted externally by things like porn. Please pray that God will help me tame my imagination and control my thought life.

[foreverHis888]

hey guys! so, I have a boyfriend who is pretty much perfect, but his down fall, like David, is his lust. He has struggled with porn since he was 12. Since we started dating he hasn't looked at it, but he still struggles with images, and the temptations. I need help on how to handle this. It's ripping me apart! of course we both are commited to our purity, and keeping our relationship pure. But how can I help him? how can I settle my mind? I know he loves me, it's just hard for me to think that when he has thoughts of other girls. It's aso hard because he told me that sometimes he intertains those thoughts, he knows it hurts me, but he said he's trying. I don't know what to do, please, I need advice. I've given him scripture, pray/fast for him etc., I just want him to get a handle on this before we get married because it's going to be harder for him....

[TopazRaven]

I know it's hard, but I think the important thing here is to remember to be patiant. Porn addiction is a very hard addiction to beat and I've known people to struggle years upon years with it. He's going to need your support and understanding with this problem. I'm sure he isn't intentinally trying to hurt you. Keep praying about it and do your best to support him. If you truly want to get married and stay together you'll have to see him through this no matter how long it takes or how tough it becomes. Being a couple means helping each other through the hard times, yes? Remember God loves you both very much and is watching over you even if you can't feel his presence. Have faith in the Lord. Is your boyfriend seeing anyone for this problem? Therapy and a support group would probably help more with the problem then him trying to do this cold turkey. Meanwhile, I'm not very good at giving advice and it's late here, so my apologies if this doesn't make any sense or seems harsh.

[foreverHis888]

Thank you so much. Your advice helped a lot...and your sig went right a long with what you were saying. Funny how God speaks thank you so much

[TopazRaven]

No problem! Glad to be of service. I hope things get better for the both of you in the near future.

[Darth_Kirby]

Just as a tale of caution ForeverHis, even if he does kick it, and I have faith that he will, there will always be lingering effects of the addiction. Alcoholics that have broken their addiction can just look at a can of beer, even 50 years later, and still be tempted, though not with the strength that the addiction formerly had. All addictions are life long struggles, but I agree with what Topez said. Be there for him and let God take care of the rest.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

hey guys! so, I have a boyfriend who is pretty much perfect, but his down fall, like David, is his lust. He has struggled with porn since he was 12. Since we started dating he hasn't looked at it, but he still struggles with images, and the temptations. I need help on how to handle this. It's ripping me apart! of course we both are commited to our purity, and keeping our relationship pure. But how can I help him? how can I settle my mind? I know he loves me, it's just hard for me to think that when he has thoughts of other girls. It's aso hard because he told me that sometimes he intertains those thoughts, he knows it hurts me, but he said he's trying. I don't know what to do, please, I need advice. I've given him scripture, pray/fast for him etc., I just want him to get a handle on this before we get married because it's going to be harder for him....

Quite frankly, it's because he is a guy. It's perfectly natural. But it's also understandable for you to be frustrated and/or upset with this.

You need to know that because he'll find other girls attractive/sexy/hot does not mean that he holds an emotional connection with them like he does with you. And to be realistic, you'll probably not be *The* Absolute #1 most physically attractive female he's come across. But as you two grow I think you'll both accept that and understand that, because it's love that binds two people together even if there are there are other options out there. I mean have you ever seen any guys who you thought were more physically attractive than your boyfriend? (e.g. celebrities, people you see at the store, etc). When I was dating a girl a few years back I thought she was gorgeous, but I still thought other girls are attractive. And we were both okay with this because we both understood this. I'm not perfect and neither was she. And loving someone means loving them even with their imperfections.

It's a two-way street really. He's doing his part. But your part is to give him grace. And by grace I unconditional grace (because I assume you love him). This means understanding who he is as a male and respecting him for what he is trying.

Now that all being said, it's probably ripping you apart because it's not an issue with him, but maybe a deeper issue within yourself? Take what I say with a grain of salt (and I don't mean to offend you or impose any of my beliefs on you so please do not think that I am disrespecting you) but I do encourage you to take them to consideration. But I think it's ripping you apart because you're afraid of something happening to jeopardize the relationship. It's a trust issue, but mostly with yourself. What you need to do is learn to see your own value of who you are as a person. I think you're afraid of something such as him cheating on you because you're value of who you are is defined by your boyfriend, not yourself. Basically saying is that you need to be more confident in who you are by yourself. Not by how other people value you (although it's still good for people to value you, haha). In short, you need to love yourself.

This also means trusting yourself enough as well as trusting him to know that the relationship isn't in jeopardy due to him thinking that other girls are sexually attractive, because you hold enough confidence in yourself that you are valuable. And getting to such a place is easier said than done, and it takes a lot of time. So I say start now.

[Okami]

I don't even know what to say. Call it unspoken. It feels like more prayer is needed than me alone, though. Thanks guys!

[Sapphire225]

I want to confess that my thought life isn't exactly pure right now. I'm struggling with my imagination, which is very vivid, concerning sexual things. Just so you understand when I see an actual situation, or read a fictional one, I imagine what would've happened if something different had taken place. This part of my imagination has extended into my thoughts on romantic situations and then... let's just say I let my imagination take me to where I shouldn't go. These thoughts are making me more prone to being tempted externally by things like porn. Please pray that God will help me tame my imagination and control my thought life.

Will be praying Kirby.

And Mr. Smarty pants said it best forever, but I will be praying.

[Masquerade1412]

...There's something I have been needing to say...And I've finally worked up the courage to say it.

I have a problem with masturbation.

My problem is I don't know if it is a gift of God...or a trick of the Devil.

I have tried repeatedly to stop, but the pressure builds so much that I cave in.

The longest I've gone is about a month, but this time I only lasted a week.

I need to know the truth. Is it good or bad? If bad, then why? If good, why?

Please pray for me.

[TopazRaven]

In all honesty I don't know how it could be bad as I don't think there is any true evidence in the Bible against it, but perhaps I am not the right person to ask. I guess I'm going to admit I have this problem as well and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about it either. It will be interesting to see what advice others can give.

[shooraijin]

This is not a thread for the discussion of what's right and what's wrong, because that's a great way to derail the thread completely. It's for prayer and suggestion. As a general rule, if it's a problem to you, ask prayer for it; if it's not, please don't be a stumbling block to others who may not be able to handle the same perspective. Discussions on the morality of a particular behaviour are best deferred to TD, in the judgment of the TD moderators.

[TopazRaven]

Oh, uh well, sorry then. Wasn't trying to purposely derail the thread or be a stumbling block.

[Darth_Kirby]

Will be praying Kirby.

And Mr. Smarty pants said it best forever, but I will be praying.

Thank, I appreciate it. But what did Mr. Smarty pants say? I haven't read this entire thread start to finish.