Again...

Postby **Sheenar** » Sat Aug 27, 2011 5:42 pm

I don't want to go into it at this time, but I've found myself essentially homeless again.

I am staying with a friend in her apartment for the time being. Trying to find another place to live now. All of the low-income housing is full/have YEARS-long waiting lists. I can't afford a normally-priced apartment on my income level.

I did apply for a job at Sam's Club to be a "people greeter" --we'll see how that goes.

This will be the 4th time in the past year and a half I've had to move. I really want to find a safe and stable place for my home.

Postby **Atria35** » Sat Aug 27, 2011 7:01 pm

Praying- it's terrible to hear you're out again! I hope you find a stable home soon!

Postby **Sapphire225** » Sat Aug 27, 2011 7:13 pm

Will definately be praying.

Postby **Neane** » Sat Aug 27, 2011 8:38 pm

Most Certainly will be praying for you.

Postby **Radical Dreamer** » Sat Aug 27, 2011 8:44 pm

Praying! I'm so sorry to hear you have to go through this process again!

Postby **ChristianKitsune** » Sun Aug 28, 2011 7:03 am

Definitely praying Sheenar! *hugs* God will provide.

Postby **Lynna** » Sun Aug 28, 2011 3:06 pm

O.o oh no! I'll be praying for you!

Postby **Juliannesan** » Mon Aug 29, 2011 3:52 am

Praying...

Postby **Sheenar** » Mon Aug 29, 2011 2:42 pm

So, basically, there was a big to-do with my roommate and I felt threatened and left. Due to past abuse, when someone comes across as threatening, my "fight or flight" system kicks in and I become terrified for my well-being --whether there be any actual danger or not.

My roommate's personality is very blunt and loud. She can come across as threatening at times, even though she really is a loving person. She had some frustrations with me and didn't exactly voice those in the best manner (frustrations to do with my disability/inability to do more physically and financially.) Then I felt like the worst roommate ever and also became afraid, so I left.

Jo sent me a message and she and I are going to sit down and talk in the next day or so --try to iron things out. Hopefully I can make it through the conversation without crying/thinking I'm going to be hurt/etc.

Postby **Sheenar** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:01 pm

I am back at my apartment as of this evening. Jo and I haven't sat down for the serious discussion yet, but things seem to be okay currently, thankfully.

My Live Journal · Postby **Saint Kevin** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:27 pm

Still praying, sis.

Postby **Atria35** » Thu Sep 01, 2011 5:53 am

Praying- glad to hear that the waters are calm for the moment!

Postby **TopazRaven** » Thu Sep 01, 2011 6:13 am

I'll still keep praying everything works out for you. Sorry for not posting in here before now. 0.o

Postby **Sheenar** » Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:25 am

And things have gotten ugly again.

I just casually mentioned that I stepped in dog pee again and that there was poop in the kitchen (roommate's dog has had a lapse in house training due to a new dog in the house --other roommate brought home her Chihuahua who marks on the walls/floors).

And my roommate went off on me on FB chat. Totally twisted my words to mean something they didn't and blew it way out of proportion.

Now my chest hurts from the anxiety it triggered (I'm thinking that's why my chest is hurting, anyway) and my heart keeps fluttering. I'm afraid of what will happen when she comes home from work. I don't feel safe again. I know in my head that she won't physically harm me, but due to my past, when these arguments/stuff come up, it triggers the "fight or flight" response in me and I begin feeling like my safety is in danger.

Other things also have me stressed about this living situation --like getting fussed at for taking a shower at 6:30 in the morning b/c my roommate has to take a shower to be at work by 8 (I have to be at work by 9 --45 min. drive away, so I get up at 6 to get my stuff together and shower).

I don't know what to do. The agency is still processing my paperwork for disabled housing, so it will be a while until I can move. Until then, I am stuck here.

my last fm profile! · Postby **rocklobster** » Mon Sep 19, 2011 12:09 pm

I keep you in my prayers sheenar

Postby **Atria35** » Mon Sep 19, 2011 1:29 pm

Praying!

Postby **Sheenar** » Mon Sep 19, 2011 7:41 pm

I wound up going to the ER when the chest pain didn't stop after a couple of hours.

Dr. there said it *could* possibly be my asthma flaring up --my EKG, blood work and x-ray all came back fine --but he referred me on to a cardiologist to be checked out as an outpatient --I have that appt. on Thursday this week.

I'm still having pretty bad chest pain. Hope to be able to make it through a day of work and class tomorrow (missed my finance class last week because I got sick and had to leave campus early --so it'd be REALLY bad to miss class again since we have an exam next week.)

Prayer would be greatly appreciated. This stuff is scary (and it hurts!)

Postby **ShiroiHikari** » Tue Sep 20, 2011 2:44 pm

So sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time ;_; Wish there was something I could do.

Postby **Nanao** » Tue Sep 20, 2011 7:35 pm

Praying for you Sheenar

Postby **Neane** » Tue Sep 20, 2011 9:14 pm

Still Praying for you.

Postby **TopazRaven** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:31 am

I'll be praying as well. Sorry to hear about all this.

Postby **Twister980** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 4:47 pm

Praying for you, hope you can find a job soon.

Postby **Sheenar** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 6:58 pm

I made it through work and class okay yesterday. Still having some chest pain, but not quite as bad. I see the cardiologist tomorrow. It feels similar to when I had bronchitis, but the ER dr. had said that my lungs sounded clear, so I don't know.

Had a very painful nerve conduction study done today in Houston --they were also supposed to do a muscle study (where they stick needles into your muscle and run the electric current through), but it hurt way too much when they tried.

Not sure what to do next. The muscle study is a vitally important one in figuring out what is going on with my body. I feel bad for not being able to continue with it --I was in too much pain to keep going.

I'm waiting to hear back from my dr. who ordered the test to see what he wants to do/thinks we should do now.

Prayer would be greatly appreciated.

Some good news, though: I get to graduate this semester! All I have left to do is finish the 2 classes I am in and take my comprehensive exams --then I'll graduate in December with my Masters degree!

Postby **Sheenar** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 10:59 pm

Saw the cardiologist today. Had a stress test done (where they hook you up to all these wires and you walk on a treadmill) and an ultrasound (seeing my heart on the ultrasound was pretty neat, actually.)

I am to wear this hear monitor for the next 2 weeks and then I see the cardiologist again.

Still having the chest pain. It sucks, but I'm still able to function, thankfully. Hopefully this will lead to some answers as to what is causing it.

I am admittedly a bit scared. I'm trying not to think about it too much.

I did get to go out to eat tonight with a friend in Houston for a late birthday celebration, so that was good --I also filed for graduation!

Postby **Yuki-Anne** » Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:07 am

Wow. I'll definitely be praying. That's a lot of stuff to have to deal with in addition to all the other stuff you normally have to deal with, so the way you're handling it is really amazing.

You're an amazing person.

Postby **TopazRaven** » Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:43 am

Yuki is right, you are an amazing person Sheenar! I'm still sorry to hear you are in such pain and I'll be keeping you in my prayers. I hope they figure out what is wrong soon so you can feel better as quickly as possible.

Postby **Sheenar** » Fri Sep 23, 2011 9:22 pm

Thanks, y'all.

I sure don't feel like an amazing person.

I keep going back and forth between: "I trust you, Lord --that You have a plan for me and a purpose for everything that is happening."

and

"God, HOW could You let this happen to me?!?" --and being angry at God.

I am not sure what good can come of this disease (whatever it is that I have) when it is robbing me bit by bit of my function and independence. I get ticked off about the things I can no longer do or have a lot of pain/difficulty doing. I'm frustrated that I am unable to work enough at this time to really support myself and depend on government assistance to get by. I am tired of getting looks on occasion when I use my food stamp card at the store to buy groceries. Or when I park in accessible parking. Or ride in the carts at the store. I "look" just fine --so some people can be cruel.

But then again, I am in a position to be a good advocate for people with disabilities and I see the potential for God to use me in my current circumstances. I have been asked to be the President of a new club starting in my area called the Aktion Club --first meeting is this coming Monday.

I don't know. I'm still in the process of accepting all of this and coming to terms with it. I've been faltering in my prayer and devotional life. Most of the time lately I can't come up with words to say when I try to pray. I feel a real heaviness on my heart and don't know how to express it.

Postby **Sheenar** » Sat Sep 24, 2011 8:28 am

I'm really afraid.

I finally read the note from the cardiologist on the order for blood work --my EKG was abnormal --though the cardiologist didn't mention that to me --just told me to wear this monitor and see him again in 2 weeks.

Still having this chest pain and some fluttering of my heartbeat here and there.

Trying to stay positive. Trying not to think about it because I'll catastrophize and picture the worst-case scenario.

Everything will probably be fine...hopefully.

I am frustrated that things keep going wrong with my body. I've had balance and muscle issues (and GI issues) for as long as I can remember --that I can deal with.

Then things started progressing in 2009. Began losing my hearing. Started having more difficulty with fatigue and pain. Started having stroke-like episodes (type of migraine.)

And now there is some kind of issue with my heart.

My medical team feels that I have mitochondrial disease (still trying to get a formal diagnosis) --if that's the case, it's not good. No cure --only treatment available just slows the progression a little.

I don't know how much more I can take.

Trying to remember that God has a plan and a bigger purpose for all of this than I can see at this time.

Postby **Sheenar** » Wed Sep 28, 2011 7:01 am

Had the first meeting of the new Aktion Club on Monday night --got to meet some awesome people. We have our first board meeting in 2 weeks (club meets every other week). I am excited, but also nervous about being the President of this club.

In other news, I had 2 exams yesterday and I think they went well. Also have a career fair today --and am meeting a rep for a job I applied for. Prayer would be appreciated. I am so nervous. I have to take my walker to the career fair (cannot stand for more than a few minutes at a time --can walk for longer, but have to keep moving) and I am nervous that girl+walker+service dog may count against me. I found a way to mostly hide my heart monitor, so that shouldn't be an issue.

I am hopeful that I can do something with my M.S. degree. At least find a job where I can start paying back the loans...

Postby **Atria35** » Wed Sep 28, 2011 11:32 am

Praying! I'm sure you'll do great!

Again...

Again...

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