guidance, wisdom, and stuff.

[madphilb]

I'll try to keep this short... I've been trying to decide if I should "bother" you guys with this since I got the 1st of the bad news in May, but let me explain (I'll try to be short about it).

Some years ago I got married... wasn't a perfect marriage and we did things wrong (not to mention we both had our share of emotional problems, etc). After almost 3 years, my wife left... year later she divorced me. (I didn't want any of this).

At the time she left I was left asking God what to do.... I was surfing a site that a friend game me a link for, wasn't interesting, but a banner ad for "Christian Clipart" did catch my eye (one of those banner exchanges) and I clicked on it.... I was met with this white and purple web page... didn't look like any sort of clipart site.

The site was "Rejoice Marriage Ministires" and when I read the main page I broke out in tears... it was like God speaking to me through the internet. RMM is a page for Marriage restoration... "standing" for God to restore broken marriages (even those that have been divorced)... an option I didn't even think existed (I didn't know what to do, but she was pretty final about it being over).

I continued to seek out God and things, to grow and change, etc. Things where pretty good for the most part... but she was still very final about it being over. As far as she was concerned, it didn't even happen.

A while later she worked through some of her issues and hurts and there was a certain amount of restoration (we became friends again, even talked about the possibility of us getting back together down the road)... There was a long way to go, and neither of us where in a hurry to marry or anything. Things happened (as they tend to) and I wasn't able to come by as often, was without a phone for over a year, etc.... she still has some issues/hurts to work through, and she tended to get distant.

Almost no word from anyone in the longest time.... my friend would forward all sorts of stuff to me (articles on this or that, etc), but almost never sent messages from her about things with them or my ex. Finally I e-mailed my friend in May to verify that my ex had a birthday in June.... few days later my ex sends me an e-mail (she's had something like 6 email addresses in the last 4 years or so and never uses any of them) telling me that she had someone in her life, yada, yada, yada....

Frankly I was POed.... hurt.... confused.... couldn't sleep, all that stupid stuff. I questioned my value, my self-worth. I questioned God. I questioned my friend's loyalty to me. I questioned the Messianic Synogog that she was attending for not saying something about the situation (they knew what it was, though i'm not sure if anyone has ever mentioned to them that I was standing). It was a rough time.

In the end I got tired of the contant racing of my mind... the sleepless nights, etc.... and God reminded me of what he led me to all those years ago.... to stand in faith that He would restore/rebuild as it should have been, reguardless of what the situation looked like (and he reminded me of places in the Bible where he asked the same, or they showed the same type of faith).

Well, again, barely a word from my friend since then... she sent an update type e-mail last month to me, asked what was up, etc... but she failed to mention in that time that my ex has since gotten re-married.

Over the time since May/June I've questioned, asked, wrestled, etc. with my own overactive mind about these issues... questioned if I was nuts, etc. Basically I get the same answer back "I told you to Stand" (or something that boils down to that).

When I got this news I started to feel sick (nerves, etc)... somehow I knew with an e-mail sent so soon after the reply to the (late) reply of the one from last month, it wasn't going to be good.

In the end I'm not so much concerned about the situation itself... her actions have nothing to do with what God's asked me to do (very complicated wrestling match to get to that point over time). I don't think anything takes God by surprise, and if He's got some other reason to lead me in this direction, it's in His hands to tell me differently.

However the whole thing is still rough. This is where the prayer request part comes in.

1st... I still would like to know what's going on.... I think it's more an inner peace issue than anything else (or shutting off my mind to it anyway). I'm not "going anywhere" in either case.

2nd... the Messianic Synogog that she attends (as well as my friend) is one that I had started attending... another leading of God, however not only does she and her husband go there, aparently they are active there as well. I personally don't care if it makes her uncomfortable... that's her problem (she's suppsed to be ok with all this), but I'm not sure how I'd feel about all of it.

The other half of the 2nd issue is that I've not really been in a place of fellowship... time and transportation issues have kept me from finding something in the last year (and it's starting to catch up with me... I'm beginning to notice the suble effects, so I guess they're not so subtle anymore). I need to find where I'm to worship...

Your thoughs and prayers are much appreciated... thanks in advance.

[Rogie]

I'll pray for you and that God will help you work things out.

Also, if you don't mind me asking: What's the "Messianic Synagogue?" I've never heard of it and I'm curious.

[Rashiir]

Absolutely.

[madphilb]

I'll pray for you and that God will help you work things out.

Also, if you don't mind me asking: What's the "Messianic Synagogue?" I've never heard of it and I'm curious.

Thanks....

A Messianic Synagogue is basically where Messianic Jews worship. (sound like a dictionary don't I? ) Messianic Jews are those who believe that Yeshua/Jesus is the Messiah that was promised, for simplistic terms, they're Christians who are Jewish, however it's more involved than that. Rather than giving up being Jewish (as a heritiage, the customs, etc.) they continue to do so, but in the freedom that salvation brings.

They follow the traditional sabbath (Friday at sundown to Saturday at sundown), as well as much of the structure and tradition that you would find in regular Jewish Synagogues. Like typical churches and synagogues that people attend, they vary in style quite a bit depending on the vision of the leadership and whatnot. The one in question is very much open to both the Jew and the non-Jew (as many/most/all are). I'm sure I've botched up the explination a bit.

You might ask why I would go there? God led me.... that's the short answer. I won't go into the long one, but I will say that it gives an interesting perspective to Biblical things that we may have a bit of a westernized view on (much as you get a better understanding of Anime when you have some knowledge of Japanese culture).

Maybe when I'm feeling a bit more "with it" I'll get some of my notes and stuff together and start a new thread... or at least find a decent link or two to information.

Hope that's a bit clearer than mud and I didn't do the Messianic movement too much of an injustice.

[Spiritsword]

I will pray for you, Phil.

[Rogie]

Thanks for the heads-up about all that. Sounds very interesting and it probably would give Christians better insight into the Bible and Jewish culture.

I'll continue to pray for you, Phil!