Burnt Out

[Yuki-Anne]

It's like something in me snapped. Maybe it was the Joplin tornado on top of the Japan earthquake (for those of you who don't know, Joplin was my college town and holds many fond memories for me) and all the weird stuff going on in my family right now (houses burning down, car accidents, my grandpa probably going to die soon, my mom flipping out about the weirdest stuff... yeah, nobody's died or anything [yet] but this has been a weird year). Maybe it's all the energy I've been using up doing... like, everything. Maybe it's all the personal frustrations I have living alone in a different culture and trying to work with this church that has some different ideas about how things should be done than I do. Probably it's all of the above.


Bottom line: I just don't care anymore. I have no energy for ministry and there is no joy in it for me right now. Everything I do feels useless and everything I want feels unattainable. And I feel like such a spoiled brat for feeling this way, because I have everything I need and I freaking live in Japan, which I will be the first to admit is totally awesome. But I'm still burnt out, frustrated, and depressed, and I guess I need some prayer right now.

Please, most of all what I need is prayer about my pastor. I... can't stand her. Her personality grates so much. I know the problem is not with her. It's who she is and all that. There isn't a significant issue or anything that needs to be addressed. I just have a ridiculously hard time tolerating... like, everything about her right now. So please pray for me, that I can be patient and possibly less of a hardcore jerkface.

[Okami]

Ozark?

I know my professors constantly remind us of how easy it can be to burn out in ministry. It is both frustrating and sobering. In a way, I must be honest in saying I'm grateful to see truth behind their words. You've been through quite a bit of turmoil and disaster this year, Yuki (an obvious understatement!) Yet even still you've seen Him provide even amidst living in a different culture. Our God is so much greater than our flailing anxieties. Which, considering all you're going through, the family and pastoral issues aren't helping much of anything except to test your patience, so it seems. I'll be keeping all of this and your ministry in prayer.

Maybe take some time out to recharge and focus solely on God? When I'm feeling like I just want to quit, oftentimes getting away from things and sitting with my Bible and playing through what I know helps me to re-energize my passion to my commitments for Him. Things won't automatically change, of course, but it's always refreshing to see people that God has used in the same sort of crappy situations as us!

[Yuki-Anne]

Yeah, Ozark. And thanks.

[Atria35]

Praying. I can see why it would be easy to be burnt out- it's been incredibly stressful, and jobs that are like ministry are more high-stress than others. I think Okami has a great idea there. Maybe pair it up with a mini-vacation for yourself.

[TWWK]

I was worried this might happen, seeing post after post from you on here about unhappy events. I'll keep you in prayer.

[Sheenar]

I'm struggling with burnout myself, so I know somewhat the feeling. Praying, friend.

[Seto_Sora]

I'm feeling the same way Ally. I will pray for you.

SDG

[Psycho Molos]

From what I know of you, you have a wonderful, beautiful heart and spirit. You're strong, tough and compassionate. Hang in there!!

[TheMewster]

Prayed. Hang in there! Glad to see you're still alive and well on CAA!

[otakuminister]

I hope to be a Missionary in Japan like yourself someday, I am definitely praying for you. I hope that God will uplift you in the coming days. Burnout is unavoidable but so is recovery from it.

[Darth_Kirby]

I will pray that the Lord will bless you with wisdom, patience, strength and above all joy. Hang in there!

[Yuki-Anne]

Thanks guys. I am feeling much better. Really just praying that God will breathe life back into me, and I'm trying to focus on how good I have it instead of all the things that aren't the way I want them to be.

[ChristianKitsune]

Yuki, I'm glad you say you're feeling better, that's good news.
I think in times of our lives we get really stressed out and look at the small picture and can't see past the messes we have in our lives. Thing is, God is above all and he can see that things do get better and maybe we have to push through all the muck and mire to get to it.

My mom always told me silly sayings like "This too, will pass." It was the cheesiest thing ever, but it really helped me relax a little and reflect that though today may suck tomorrow is a new day and could offer change.

Also, I think reading about Job has helped me come to these conclusions, and I think it's also okay to realize that its OKAY to question, and get upset. It's OKAY to ask God "Why is this happening." I think He's big enough to handle that, because that opens the doors for some growth and answers. That's my view anyways.

*hugs* I've been praying for you, I know God'll give you the strength and recharge you need.

[Yuki-Anne]

Isaiah 40, people. Go read it. It's good stuff. It really helped me out this time around.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

These times are tough, I absolutely understand. But I think there is beauty in even these times. Dark nights of the soul, yes?

Might I recommend you some reading? Especially if it is therapeutic to you. If so I recommend "Dark Night of the Soul" by St. John of the Cross. He's an old and famous Spanish Carmelite priest and is considered as a great spiritual and Christian mystic writer.

[Okami]

Yeah, Ozark. And thanks.

Alright, I was really curious when you first posted the prayer thread on Joplin, because my pastor is a graduate of Ozark and had been giving us regular email updates to let us know how friends and family were doing.

Thanks guys. I am feeling much better. Really just praying that God will breathe life back into me, and I'm trying to focus on how good I have it instead of all the things that aren't the way I want them to be.

Isaiah 40, people. Go read it. It's good stuff. It really helped me out this time around.

I am so glad that things are starting their turn-around. God is so abundant and gracious to us. That being said, v. 13-14 of Isaiah 40 always give me chills as a Psych major. I was outlining Isaiah 40-55 this past semester for an assignment, and I had to stop, pause, and reflect for a while because I was just blown away. It's really an awesome awakening!